A New Life?
by soulmates2000
Summary: Adrian and Ben are struggling to move on from the recent events that have shattered their lives. They try to move on but can they? Old friends, new friends and new turn of events will change everyones lives.
1. Facing the Past and the Future

Adrian sat on the picnic table in her parents backyard. The summer was just coming to an end. Adrian had spent the last three months studying and going to summer school and finally she had finished and she had been given her diploma. It had been a long and hurtful summer for her and others that she knew. Adrian looked down at her phone for a long time. She had wanted to break the silence between her estranged husband for weeks since the night at the party all those months ago. But her courage faded after she dialed the first few numbers and then she hung up and lost her nerve. Adrian looked over the stone fence over at what had been the Juergens home. Now it was empty and had been for weeks now.

Amy's grandmother Mimzy's health had gotten worse so the entire family had all moved up there for the summer to be there with her. Even Amy's fiancee' Ricky had moved up there with them and had gotten a job up there for the summer. The Juergens house had remained still and quiet for the entire summer. Adrian couldn't say she was entirely unhappy about that. Since Ricky had kissed her and left her life in even more tatters if that were possible she hadn't been on speaking terms with Amy, Ricky, or any of their friends or family members. Adrian in truth had been relieved when they had packed up and left only a few days after Amy and Ricky had gotten engaged and the horrible events that had unfolded at the party. Adrian wasn't sure that friendship could ever be mended or if she even really wanted to try to either. But what she regreted most of all was how she had hurt those the night of the party.

Ben had been crushed when he had learned of what had happened between Adrian and Henry. And Alice had been devastated at finding them together after all she and Henry had shared. But Adrian knew she couldn't change it or make amends. But she wanted to so badly. Ben hadn't talked to her since she had told him how sorry she was after everything and she never meant to hurt him. When she told him she almost heard a piece of his heart break off and she could see the pain within his eyes and this time it was because she had hurt him. And she hated herself for that. Even as the months had passed by she still couldn't make herself feel better after everything.

When graduation came she felt like she was starting a new chapter only to find that many of those chances were gone now. Omar wouldn't return her calls or her texts. She had even stopped by his apartment but no one had been home. She knew that there was no chance of that relationship now because of what Ricky had chosen to do that night, at that moment in front of half the graduating class and several strangers. It crushed her. She only knew that when fate had handed down his horrible answer to her when her child was taken from her she should have some happiness. She knew she had loved Ricky and he had made her happy at least some of the time. And she wanted what she felt she had lost. She now knew the choice had been wrong. She knew she didn't really love Ricky anymore now at all. She knew he was with Amy and John and she now accepted that.

She thought she could start over, really start over with Omar. He was a nice guy and he had his life together, but that wasn't meant to be either. So Adrian had made the choice to just seclude herself from the rest of the world at least for the summer. Adrian wiped away the tears with her hand. She knew in her heart that the one person that she really wanted to be with and have a life together didn't want to be with her. He had been hurt by her and probably even hated her. But she loved him. She really loved him alot. But she had let him go and he went just like that. She wanted Ben. But the chances of them repairing their broken life together was one in a million.

Adrian looked at her phone once again. She decided maybe they could try to at least be friends again. She had to try. She felt herself slipping away more each day and the sadness pushed down on her more every moment that she was left in this hole. She could feel herself slipping away and she felt that if she didn't try to talk to someone who knew what she was going through she would finally wake up and not recognize the person in the mirror anymore. And Ben was the only one that knew what she was going through cause he was going through it too. So she took the plunge and dialed his cell phone and let it ring.

"Hello?" She heard Ben say.

"Ben. It's Adrian." Adrian said nervously into the phone.

"Adrian? How have you been?" Ben said.

"I'm ok. I miss you Ben. I know that I hurt you and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. And you probably don't want to hear from me ever again. But on the chance that you do can you forgive me for what I did?" Adrian said as she could feel hear heart beating faster.

"Yes Adrian. I have forgiven you. I just thought you could use some space to get your thoughts together and concentrate on school. I could never hate you Adrian. I will always love you Adrian." Ben said in a soft voice.

"I love you too Ben. Thank you for giving me another chance. I really want us to be friends and stay in each other's lives. If that is too much for you what I am asking though I completely understand. I will be as close or far as you want Ben." Adrian said hopeful in the phone.

"Stay real close always Adrian." Ben said.

"I will. Thank you for loving me and accepting me Ben. I felt so alone here by myself. It has been a really hard time for me these last few months. I feel like my life was in ruins. And I just don't know how to pick up the pieces after al that has happened." Adrian said as her emotions overcame her and she let her tears fall.

"Adrian... I love you and I always will. You are a wonderful person who has been through a horrible year. We both have. And I know what you mean about picking up the pieces of your life. I find myself struggling with that. Are you gonna be alright Adrian? I have been worried about you all summer even after everything that happened. I was calling your dad every day and he would tell me how you were. But I thought maybe you needed me to stay away for a while. But maybe that wasn't the right thing after all." Ben said with concern in his voice.

"You did? My dad never said anything about that at all. Not that I have seen him or my mom much this summer. My mom has been flying alot and my dad has had huge cases all summer long. Wait. I thought that you and Dylan were dating. Aren't you?" Adrian said as she was trying to control her tears.

"Um no that didn't work out after all. She is a nice enough of girl but I just wasn't ready to jump back into a relationship after everything. And I asked your dad not to say anything. I didn't want to upset you Adrian. I know you have been through a lot and your still going through alot. And I know that the day when we found we were having a little girl is coming up in a few days and I know that you are probably struggling with that and everything. I know that I am having a hard time with it. Whenever I think about her I feel happy and yet so sad. I just want us to both be happy Adrian and I would like to be your friend again. If you'll let me be. Will you Adrian?" Ben asked quietly into the phone.

"Yes. I am having a hard time with it. But I just keep pushing through the pain and emotion and keep going on. I feel like I have been running from my life Ben. I have to face it this is my life and I just want to run from all the pain and heartache. I just want to start over Ben. Can't I just start over?" Adrian said as another wave of tears hit you.

"You can. But only when you really let yourself deal with the pain and the loss Adrian. I think you have only scratched on the surface of a mountain. But I'll be there for you Adrian. I will help you through this. I only want to see you happy Adrian. We both deserve that after losing our child. It is a horrible tragedy that no one should ever have to face in this life. But it happened and no matter how far you run or how fast it will catch up with you Adrian. Because it always does. We can move on and change or lives completely but we cannot erase the past or the scars it has left on our heart after everything. I wish I could take away your pain but I can't. I can only be there for you Adrian. Why don't you let me come over and we can talk." Ben said into the phone.

"Ok. It will be good to see you." Adrian said as she wiped away her tears once more.

"Alright. I will be there in a few mintues. And I am glad you called Adrian. See you soon." Ben said into the phone and hung up.

Adrian hung up her phone and put it on the table. Then she put her hands to her face and cried all the tears, pain, frustration, loss, and sadness that she had been holding back for months and finally let it all come to the surface and come out. Then after a few more minutes of crying Adrian felt strong arms around her. She looked up and it was Ben. She embraced him and put her head on his should and they both held one another while Adrian cried all of the tears she had been holding back but she wasn't alone this time Ben was there with her. 


	2. Can We Make It Work?

Adrian and Ben stood by their daughter's grave. Both of them embraced in each others arms holding onto one another tightly as they both cried for the loss. This place brought that emotion to the surface. They held onto one another as if their lives depended on it. They had both come to the final resting place of their daughter on the anniversary of the day they found out they were having a little girl only to have her ripped from their lives only a few short months later.

"Why did this have to happen to us? Our little girl didn't deserve this. Oh Ben I wish I could bring her back to us." Adrian said as she continued to cry hysterically.

"I know I wish I could too. But we can't Adrian. There wasn't anything either of us could have done to prevent this. It just wasn't meant for us to have Mercy here with us. But I wish she was too so much." Ben said as he placed a kiss on Adrian's forehead.

Adrian slid down to her knees overcome with grief. Ben got down on his knees next to her and held her close to him as she shouted and cried even more. The loss and pain they were experiencing could not be put into words. But it was a horrible loss for them and for their families. It had changed them both and they would never be the same again ever. So for several minutes they both were on their knees and cried and cried. "Just hold me Ben." Adrian said in a quiet voice.

"I got you Adrian." Ben said as he held onto her tighly.

A while later Adrian and Ben stood before Mercy's grave once more. They placed several small yellow roses on her grave. Then Adrian put her hand to her lips and then on her daughter's grave. "We love you Mercy. We always will and we will never ever forget you sweetheart. But your daddy and I have to move on. But we will carry you in our heart forever. God if you listening you take care of our daughter. She is tiny and she needs someone to look after her." Adrian said up to the sky.

"I think he know Adrian. What your mommy said is true my sweet little girl. We wish you were here with us but that wasn't how it happened. Just know that you will be loved and never forgotten ever. I promise you that a day won't go by that I or your mother won't think of you. We love you Mercy." Ben said and put his hand on the grave for a moment and then went back to Adrian's side.

Then Ben and Adrian walked slowly away from the cemetary and then Ben helped Adrian into the passenger seat of his car and then he got into the drivers seat and drove away. He drove up the coast until they reached a beautiful Inn. They got a room and they spent the rest of the night talking and just spending time together after a really long day for both of them. And then they fell asleep after a long day in each other's arms.

The next day Adrian woke up in Ben's arms. She snuggled close to him like she had when they had first been married. He slept very soundly that he barely moved at all when he slept. Adrian laid there for a while as the sun rose high in the sky and she could feel the warmth coming through the window from the sun's rays. It was her favorite time of the day. When life was just starting over again and it seemed like each day gave her another chance to live life and start anew from the previous day.

Adrian started to place kisses on Ben's cheeks for a while and then finally she kissed him deeply. Then she saw Ben wake up and he got up and moved away from her. Then he stared back at her for a few minutes and sat back down on the bed. "I'm sorry it's just been so long since you kissed me. I was surprised and you caught me off guard. I just wasn't expecting you to do that. I mean I didn't know if you even felt that way about me anymore. For all I knew you had moved on and you had someone new in your life." Ben said as he looked down at her hands for a moment.

"I tried to Ben. But no matter how much I tried I still could never find love like ours. I want you back Ben. I want to have a life together again. I will take any part of you that you'll give me. We can go as fast or as slow as you want. But I want you Ben." Adrian said as she put her hand into his.

"Adrian I don't know if I can. I mean I love you very much. I just don't know if I can be the husband that you deserve and after everything has happened. I mean I am not angry after you spent the night with Henry. I just don't know if I am ready for all of this Adrian. Being a friend I can do right now but to be a real husband and wife to each other is a huge step that I don't know if either of us is ready to make yet." Ben said as he put his free hand threw his hair.

"Do you love me Ben? Do you want to be with me the rest of your life? Or do you love Amy more Ben? Have you loved her more than you loved me? Does she make you happier then when we were together?" Adrian asked in hurt and anger.

"That's not fair Adrian. My relationship was entirely different then our relationship. I loved Amy. She was my first love. You never forget your first love. But I do love you Adrian. I love you like I have never loved anyone else before. It's like you touched my heart and set it alive Adrian. I don't think I can love any other women like I love you. Including Amy. I just don't know if I am ready yet." Ben said as he looked into Adrian's eyes with fear, hope, love, and sadness all at the same time.

Adrian gave Ben's hand a squeeze. "I understand. And I am not saying we have to jump right back again. I know we both have been hurt mostly by me. I know we both are still dealing with the death of Mercy. But I want to still try. We can take it easy. I will go back to counceling, I'll do whatever I can to get you to trust me again and I want you to be with me. And maybe that is selfish but I really love you. And you said so yourself that you love me more than you will anyone else." Adrian said with hope in her voice.

"I know Adrian. But I don't know if we can make a life together after everything that has happened already Adrian... But I am willing to try. I owe us at least that and I would hate that if we are meant to be together and there is even the slightest chance that we can repair our relationship we have to try." Ben said as he gave her a smile.

Adrian gave Ben a huge hug and a smile. Then she leaned in and kissed his cheeks and finally his lips. Then they pulled apart and stared into each other's eyes for a while. "But I want us to take it slow and really take our time to allow ourselves to heal as best as we can from the loss of Mercy. So that when we start trying to see if we can save our relationship it has a fair chance. Ok?" Ben asked Adrian

"Ok. I am just happy that your going to give us a chance Ben. I really do love you and I am ready to move on with my life with you." Adrian said with a smile.

"Yeah. I will call my attorney and have him stop the divorce proceedings. Not that we really have done much to move forward with the divorce. But that doesn't mean I am moving back into the condo anytime soon. Ok?" Ben said with a serious tone.

"Ok. I understand. Slow and steady. Well were do we start?" Adrian asked.

"Well I think we should start with us seeing Dr. Fields and then maybe spend some more time together talking and just taking it one day at a time. How does that sound to you?" Ben asked.

"It sounds like a very good place to start." Adrian said and then kissed him once more.

"I love you Adrian." Ben said to her.

"I love you too Ben. I always will." Adrian said quietly and then gave him a deep and passionite kiss.

And then they held onto one another for a long time before they both got up and got dressed to start their first day together for the first time in months since they had seperated and filed for divorce. Adrian felt trully happy for the first time in months that her life might start over again in a postive direction that included her husband Ben. And for the first time in a long time she felt hope for the future and what it would bring.


	3. When the Past Walked In the Door

Six months had passed by since that day when she and Ben had decided to give their relationship another try. They had gone back to Dr. Fields several times and they had started to date each other again. And finally after five months Ben had moved back into the condo and put his wedding ring back on. As had Adrian put her back on. Ben was in his last semester as a senior at Grant High School. Adrian had started College in the fall and was doing well. She had pulled A's in the last semester and she was starting out this semester strongly as well.

Alice had forgiven Henry finally and both them seemed to be in a good place as friends at least after everything. Ben's friendship with Henry wasn't the same as it has once been but he was trying to still be a friend to him. And Adrian was happy that it seemed everyone was doing well and moving on to a positive future. Even Grace who had broken up with Daniel that night of the party was back with Jack and happier than they had been in a long time. And Grace and Adrian's friendship was very strong and doing well. Everything seemed to have fallen back into place again only it was almost better than before. Except Amy and Ricky.

Amy's grandmother had passed away just days before after a very long battle with alzeheimers and after suffering a very bad stroke that summer. George, Ashley, and Robbie had all returned home that fall and had all settled back into their lives again. Amy, Ricky, John, and Anne had all stayed on to help with Mimzy. Adrian only knew cause Ashley was still talking to her and their friendship seemed to be thriving among everything going on. Only now Ashley had texted Adrian and had let her know that Amy, Ricky, and Anne were all coming home soon and were going to be back for good since Mimzy had passed away. Ashley had said that Amy had done a semester of high school there and Ricky had taken some classes at the local community college when he wasn't working. Adrian was nervous about what was about to happen when Amy and Ricky returned home after all that had happened. She would find out as they were expected to be back today.

Adrian had just pulled up in front of Grant High School and then parked in the parking lot. She and Ben got out of the car and walked in together hand in hand. Adrian had the day off from school and was going to drop Ben off and spend some time with him before his classes started. So she they walked in hand in hand to Ben's locker. Ben opened his locker and placed his books in his locker. Then he leaned down and gave Adrian a kiss. Then as they parted the doors opened and someone walked down the hall. Someone that they hadn't expected to see. Adrian turned and looked to see who had opened the doors. Then she gasped as Ricky walked slowly down the hall.

He looked pale and skinny. He looked tired and wore out like he hadn't slept in almost a week. He looked very sad and somber. He walked by them slowly and then he walked into the office and closed the door behind him. Adrian looked at the office for a long while and then she turned to Ben and stared up at him for a minute. He was also in shock at what they had just seen.

"What happened to him?" Ben asked.

"I don't know but it must have been bad. I have never seen this Ricky before. He looked like he has been through something terrible and he has given up hope." Adrian said and then she hugged Ben tighly and closely.

After a few more minutes Ben got his books and then he kissed her and went off to his first class of the day. Adrian found her car keys and then she began to walk out the door. Then she heard the office door open and she saw Ricky walk out. He walked out slowly and he looked as if he had be en crying while he had been in there. Adrian walked up to him and she didn't know why but she embraced him and hugged him close. Ricky hugged her closely and began to let his tears fall.

"Ricky what happened?" Adrian said as Ricky pulled back and put his hands to his face and wiped away his tears. Then he cleared his throat and choked back tears.

"I don't know what happened. It all changed in a moment. One minute they were there and the next as I looked they were gone. And there wasn't anything that I could do to change it." Ricky said as he looked at Adrian. Adrian saw the hurt, fear, pain, agony all in his eyes.

"Ricky what happened out there?" Adrian asked again this time with more force in her voice.

"We had just packed up the rest of the things and I drove Amy's SUV with John and Amy drove her mother's truck with Anne. I looked into the rearview mirror and I saw Amy and her mom and then when I looked back a second later they were gone and there was a cloud of smoke and there were so many cars that had crashed. Amy and her mom got caught in there. John and I just made it out. And when help got there... It was too late for so many people there. After a while they found Amy and her mom. They were stuck in the car and they had to cut them out... it took a long time. After a while they loaded them up and I followed to the nearest hospital. When I got there they told me that it was too late for Anne. That she had passed away and despite there best efforts there was no way that they could save her. And Amy...Oh God... Amy was in bad condition. Half her body had been crushed in the crash and her arm and her leg and several ribs were broken. She wasn't breathing on her own. And the doctors said it was fifty fifty if she would recover...She is in a coma still but I had to bring John back here so that George can look after him and I had to let them know Amy wouldn't be back to school like they thought. But I have to go Adrian. I have to get back up there to Amy. Thank you." Ricky said and then he ran out the doors and out to the car.

Adrian stood there. She felt like someone had ripped the rug out from under her again for the second time in the last year. She and Amy had never really seen eye to eye. And they had been eyes for a while but then for a while they were friends but in the end their lives had led them seperate ways but she never thought or wished this on anyone at all. She had never seen Ricky so hurt and in so much pain. Adrian turned and ran up the stairs and she went to Ben's physics class. Then she knocked on the door. The teacher opened the door. "I need to talk to Ben. We have to go." Adrian said as she waved for Ben to come out. The teacher nodded and Ben picked up his bag and ran out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

"Adrian what's going on?" Ben asked in a panic.

"It's Amy. She has been involved in a very serious accident with her mom." Adrian said with a very serious tone in her voice.

"Is she gonna be alright? How's her mom?" Ben asked with worry in his voice.

"I don't know about Amy. She is in bad shape. But her mom didn't make it." Adrian said and then she grabbed Ben's hand and they ran out of the school and drove as fast as they could. Ben placed a call to George Amy's father. He let them know where Amy was and he told them there had been no change yet.

"She's at Northcrest Memorial Hospital. George said to take highway 405. And he said to please drive safe." Ben said as Adrian made a change in her driving toward the highway as Ben had instructed.

"I am trying to. But I want to get up there Ben. I mean if something happens to Amy..." Adrian said and stopped the thought.

"Don't think about that right now. Just focus on driving safely and get us there before we worry about anything else. Ok?" Ben said.

"Yeah I am trying it's just hard not to worry or to think about it." Adrian said as she took a deep breath and tried to keep her mind on the road.

"Well try harder." Ben said in a soft tone.

And then they drove slowly in silence as they made the long journey to the hospital. Then they parked the car after they got there and ran into the hospital. After talking with the nurses desk they made their way to ICU. They finally got there. When they got to Amy's room it was chaotic. Ricky was outside he was sitting on the floor and he was crying and he had his hands over his face. Adrian looked into the window of the room. There were doctors and nurses and they were doing CPR on Amy. Adrian and Ben sat down next to Ricky and they all waited to see whether Amy would pull through or not.


	4. Trying To Find The Strength to Endure

Ben leaned in and put his arms around Adrian and held her close to his chest. He knew she was having a hard time being at a hospital. She had hated them ever since their baby had been taken from them so suddenly. Adrian had leaned in close to Ben as she had for the first severl weeks after Mercy had passed and she would find herself alone with Ben. They would just hold one another and cry. But this time they were hopeful that Amy would pull through and get better because they knew that John needed his mom and if she didn't make it his entire life would be changed and no one wanted him to grow up without her in his life.

Ricky sat near them on the floor in the hallway. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and his hands were over his face and he was crying uncontrollably. Adrian knew he had to be worried sick and terrified of what might happen. Because she knew she had been. When they had told her and Ben that there was no movement, no heartbeat, that she was gone had been the hardest day of her life. And she knew the pain that came with the loss of someone you loved. Even though she didn't really get along with Amy or Ricky lately she never wished that upon anyone ever.

Finally what seemed like hours but in fact had only been minutes the doctor walked out of Amy's room and walked over to them. "Mr. Underwood?" the doctor asked.

Ricky hearing his name got up and he stared at the doctor. "I am Mr. Underwood, doctor how is she doing?" Ricky asked in fear of the answer.

"Mr. Underwood Amy is in very critical condition. We had to shock her heart after it stopped beating. She is no longer breathing on her own so we had to intubate her and put her on a breathing machine. Her condition is very serious and she will have a very rough road ahead of her. I am not trying to scare you Mr. Underwood but her chances at this poing are fifty fifty she will recover. She has suffered several fractures and breaks from the accident. Both her legs are broken, her left wrist was crushed in the accident, and she suffered quite a blow to her head and her torso. She has several cracked ribs and she has had some internal bleeding. We were able to get her stable for now but she going to require exploratory surgery to find the bleeding and we will hopefully be able to repair the damage where she is bleeding but until we do she may continue to crash. Which means her heart could stop several times in the process. But she is stable for the moment. We are getting her ready for surgery. I thought maybe just for a moment you and your friends would like to see her for a minute. But it can only be a moment because time is precious and we need to get her to the operating room shortly." The doctor told Ricky and then he turned and went back into the room.

Ricky turned to Ben and Adrian who were listening to what the doctor said,"Do you guys wanna come in for a moment?" Ricky asked in a very sad and serious tone.

Adrian shook her head yes and she and Ben got up from the hallway and they quietly held onto one another and walked into the room. It was scary seeing so many machines, and tubes coming from Amy. Adrian gasped in shock when she saw Amy's face was black and blue and she had casts on her legs up her left wrist to her elbow. She hadn't been prepared for how bad Amy would look when they came in. Adrian put her face into Ben's chest and held onto him tightly. Then she forced herself to look and take in the severity of the situation and she knew Amy really might not make it. The thought felt bad and Adrian tried to push it from her memory.

Ricky walked up to Amy and he was talking to her softly as if she could hear him and then he leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead and he squeezed her hand and then the doctors and nurses took her in her bed and wheeled her away toward the operating room. Ricky watched as Amy was wheeled away and when she was out of his sight he slid down to the floor and sat there on his knees and let his tears fall even more than he had before.

Adrian and Ben stood there holding onto one another feeling sad, fearful, and unsure of what to do. Finally after a few minutes Ricky stood up and he wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. He then turned toward Ben and Adrian. "Thank you for coming but there is nothing to be done now except to wait. If you want to go home I would understand it has already been a very long day. I am glad you both came. I didn't think you would." Ricky said softly as he looked up at Ben and Adrian.

"Of course we came Ricky! I know we don't see eye to eye but I know that we both still care about you and Amy. And we would never want anything bad to happen to either of you. And I know that despite our differences we both still care about you both no matter what is going on. And I hope that one day maybe we all can be friends again." Ben said in shock that Ricky would suggest that they wouldn't come.

"I know but I didn't know if you still felt the way you did after what happened after graduation. I am glad your both here." Ricky said as he looked at Ben and finally at Adrian.

"We are here for you Ricky. Remember that Ok?" Adrian said and leaned in and gave him a hug and then pulled back as Ben put his arms back around Adrian.

"Thanks Adrian that means a lot to me. But why don't you both go home. It could be a long afternoon and a long night. I will update you if there is any change." Ricky said quietly.

"You shouldn't be alone now Ricky." Adrian said with conern in her voice.

"I won't be. George and Ashley are on their way now. They just had to find a babysitter for John and Robbie before they could come here. But thank you again." Ricky said as he looked at Adrian for a moment and then he looked over at Ben.

"Alright we will go but you promise to keep us updated?" Ben said in a serious voice.

"Yes, I promise that I will. Both of you drive safe." Ricky said as Ben and Adrian left the room and then they walked through the hospital and finally made there way out of the hospital entrance and walked over to Adrian's car. Adrian handed Ben the keys knowing she really shouldn't drive. So Ben got into the driver's seat and then he turned to where Adrian was seated in the passenger's seat and he enclosed her in a tight embrace as she let her own tears fall. She cried for several moments until Ben kissed her cheeks and her forehead and then looked at her with concern in his eyes.

"I love you Adrian. I know I haven't said in a while, but I want you to know no matter what I will always love you and care about you. And I know that was very hard for you as it was for me. But we have to believe that Amy will pull through and recover. " Ben said as he held her in his arms and rocked her a little.

"I know but it is so hard to see so much pain in this world. I mean there is enough horrible things that happen but when it comes so close to home its even harder. And as I was there sitting and listening to the doctor and then Ricky I just wished that Mercy had even had a chance cause she didn't Ricky. She was given even the chance to maybe even live. It was just over and she was gone. I still want her here and I want Amy to get better and pull through. I just wish life didn't have to be so cruel to everyone in this world." Adrian said with agony in her voice as the truth of her words hit her like a freight train.

"I understand, but unfortunatly this is the world that we live in. And we cannot change the horrible things that happen Adrian we just have to accept them, and heal from them and hopefully move on with our lives after some time has passed." Ben said quietly.  
>"Take me home Ben. I just want to go home." Adrian said quietly and then she squeezed his right hand as he started the car and then he backed the car out of the parking stall and then drove away from the hospital.<p>

"Now that I can do. I love you Adrian." Ben said as he drove toward the highway.

"I love you to Ben. More than anything." Adrian said to him as she looked over at him.

Then the two of them drove the long drive home and each of them worried about Amy and Ricky and hoping that everything would turn out fine, but neither was sure of anything that the future held. Then when they got home they climbed into their bed and they cuddled up to each other and they laid there both looking over at the phone hoping and praying it would ring but it didn't and they fell asleep like that still hoping for a good phone call in the future.


	5. Please Don't Leave Me

Adrian and Ben awoke the next morning. Neither of them had received a phone call on their cell phones or on their home phone the night before. But they knew Ricky would call as soon as he heard anything or if Amy woke up. Adrian and Ben got up and started to get ready for the day. They both showered,got dressed. Then Ben was fixing breakfast while Adrian got the newspaper. When she walked back in she walked over to Ben in the kitchen.

"Ben listen to this. Fourteen cars were involved in one of the most horrifics crashes this year. The crash occured early yesterday morning around six thirty. While it is still unclear exactly what happened to cause such a horrible event family and friends are feeling the immediate impact from the events. Four people were pronounced dead on the scene and three on the way to the hospital or arriving there shortly thereafter. Fourteen others went to the hospital with injuries ranging from broken arms to very serious injuries. An investigation is being launched by the local police to find out why the crash occured. While the police are not saying much about what they are investigating the police chief who is heading up the investigation did say this, "This truly was a horrible event that affected several people involved whether directly or indirectly. We will be manning a full investigation. We will be looking at everything very closely and until we have ruled out every possibilty we will not stop until we find out what happened here today." While police are not releasing names yet of those involved in the crash or the names of the deceased as they are contacting the families. We will bring you more news as it comes in." Adrian read and then as she looked at the picture on the front page she felt sick.

The picture was horrific. There were several cars smashed and entangled together. There were fire trucks, ambulances, police cars, and several other people around the scene. The picture echoed a thousand words, emotions, and so much more. Adrian dropped the paper on the table and walked over to Ben and they embraced in each others arms. Ben kissed Adrian's forehead and held her tightly. Both of them felt like they were feeling all the pain from the photo, the people killed, and those still hurting from it.

"Why do these horrible things happen? I want to know why it has to be that way. Because it just doesn't make any sense to me at all. Why did Anne have to die? Why is Amy still in a coma? Why did your mom have to die? Why did Mercy have to die? It is horrible things that can crush people when they happen and sometimes they never can pick up the pieces again." Adrian said in between her tears.

"I don't know Adrian. I sometimes think that too but then I just tell myself that these things just happen and they don't make sense but we have to accept them and deal with them. That's all we can do. But it helps when your loved ones are with you. They give you the strength and courage to face it." Ben said quietly.

Adrian tucked her head under Ben's chin and rested there for a while. Then after a few minutes her cell phone began to ring. Adrian pulled back quickly and ran to the counter and picked up her phone. Then she hit the talk button on the cell phone. "Hello, Ricky?" Adrian said.

"Adrian, do you and Ben want to come down here later today. Amy is... she isn't getting any better and the doctors are saying that she may not recover. They are saying her injuries are so severe...they think we should all prepare for the worst...can you guys come down here. Please?" Ricky said as he forced himself to say the words he didn't want too.

"Yeah we will be there. We will see you in a little while. Bye." Adrian said and then hung up the phone.

"What is it?" Ben asked.

"Amy isn't going to get better Ben. The doctors think it is only a matter of time before she... I am so sorry Ben. I know you loved her." Adrian said and then she embraced him once again.

Ben felt tears rush to his face and then he choked them back. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't cry. It wasn't the right place or time to fall apart. So he held onto Adrian and he hugged her for several moments. Then after a while they both finished eating and getting ready and drove the long drive to the hospital. When they arrived in the ICU and they walked up to Amy's room they could both hear Ricky talking to Amy and sobbing.

"Amy I love you... I don't know how I can live without you... how am I supposed to raise our son alone...Amy if you can hear me please stay with me...I want you to fight with everything you have in you...I need you so much and John needs you Amy...You are his mom and he loves you so much...And you love him too...I know we have had a rough few months but I promise that things will get better you just have to hold on...please come back to me...please." Ricky said as he continued to hold Amy's hand and cry as he spoke to what was left of Amy there.

"Hey Ricky." Adrian said as she and Ben walked into Amy's ICU room.

"Hey Ben, hey Adrian thank you both for coming. Um I will give you a chance to say goodbye Adrian... Ben can I talk to you for a moment?" Ricky asked.

"Yeah sure. We will be back in a moment." Ben said and then gave Adrian a quick kiss. Then Ben and Ricky left the room leaving Adrian alone with Amy.

Adrian took a seat next to Amy's bedside. Then she turned and looked at Amy. She could not hardly recognize her under her casts and her bandages and all the machines and tubes hooked up to her. Adrian felt very sad that Amy's life might very well end like this. She wanted Amy to live and be happy.

"I know you have been through alot with your grandma and now your mom. Now you Amy. Ricky is a mess since you got hurt. He loves you Amy and as much as that bothered me for the longest time but it doesn't anymore much. I love Ben very much and he is the one for me. And I accept now that you and Ricky are together and going to have a life. Amy I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye always or maybe never but that doesn't mean I want you to be hurt. I don't. You deserve to be happy and if you can hear me you need to try to come out of this. I am scared to see what would happen to Ricky, and John and your family if you don't. It is a horrible fate that they should be spared from. It is a horrible hurt that no one should have to go through. So if you can understand me please don't give up just try a little harder. I won't say goodbye to you. I know that was what Ricky said but I won't until I absolutely have to. So my advice to you is to fight with everything you have in you Amy. Fight for your son, for your family, for your friends, and for Ricky. Cause they need you Amy. You may not always think so but they do. So just keep fighting until you beat this or you can't fight anymore." Adrian said.

While Ben and Ricky were walking the halls of the hospital and they were talking about very serious things. "I don't know what I am going to do when she goes..." Ricky said as he put his hands to his face and then put them down in jean pockets.

"Just take it one moment at a time. If you try to look to far a head it can crush you and you won't be any good to John, your family, or Amy's family. And they are going to need you Ricky. Especially if Amy doesn't recover. You will be John's only parent. I mean I am sure your and Amy's families will help but the majoritiy of that responsibility will fall to you. I mean we can all help you adjust if it comes to that but you will have to make it work somehow. We will all help but we cannot do it for you. You will have to do it Ricky. I know that you can but don't think about that until you have to.. there is always hope that maybe Amy could pull through. Don't give up until they tell you that Amy took her last breath and she isn't coming back. And even then you can't give up cause John will need you to be strong for him. And you will Ricky. I know that the thought of raising him alone is scary but you can do it. I know you have it in you. You just have to keep focused on what important." Ben said with wisdom beyond his years.

"I know. It's just hard. But like you said I will do what I have to do. I just hope and pray that Amy is there with me. Thanks for being here Ben. I know this hasn't been easy for you or for Adrian but I know it means alot to me and it means alot to Amy to. I hope that we can all be friends after this. I mean good friends. I could use a friend right about now." Ricky said quietly.

"I can do that Ricky. I can do that." Ben said.  
> <p>


	6. Trying To Let Go

Ben and Ricky walked up after their conversation to Amy's room. Adrian heard them walk up and she stood up and walked over to them. She put her arms around Ben and she gave him a kiss on the lips. "Ben why don't we give you a few minutes with Amy and Ricky and I will go for a walk for a while." Adrian said and then she walked out into the hallway and Ricky followed her quietly. Then Ben walked further into the room and sat down in the seat that Ricky and Adrian had both sat in to tell Amy goodbye. He felt like he wanted to run but everyone knew that wasn't the answer.

Meanwhile Adrian and Ricky started to walk slowly down the hallways as he and Ben had just a few minutes before. "So how are you holding up?" Adrian asked in a soft voice.

"Ok. I just wish none of this had happened." Ricky said as he looked down at the floor.

"I know but it did and I wish it hadn't either but we cannot change that now." Adrian said with a bitter taste in her mouth as she had heard that same advice from others after Mercy didn't make it.

"I understand but it doesn't change the way I feel. I hate hospitals. The only happy time I have been in one was when Amy had John. I mean it always seems like bad news when... I am sorry Adrian." Ricky remembering how much Adrian had been through as soon as the words came out.  
>"It's alright Ricky. I am in a better place than I was before. I know it will always hurt, and be sad. But I am accepting that she wasn't meant to be with us. I am finally understanding that life isn't fair, isn't always kind, and can be very sad and cruel. And I know that you are feeling something like that now. Of course everyone grieves differently. But we are here for you Ricky. I really hope we can both be a part of each other's lives. I want to be friends, just friends. I think it would be nice if we could all be friends after everything we have been through and put each other through too. I just want to start fresh after everything that has happened." Adrian said to Ricky in a soft voice.<p>

"I would like that Adrian." Ricky said as he gave her a faint smile.

While they talked Ben sat there in Amy's room numb. The woman that he had once loved with his entire heart was here now in a broken and hanging in the balance state. It made him sad and sick to think of her life ending so shortly and swiftly. He knew that after everything that had happened after the graduation had left a huge distance between him and Amy. He had even been angry and questioning Amy's motives and how much she had changed in the time since they had been a couple but he never wished her harm or even worse. He just wanted her to see how much she had hurt him, and Adrian, and even herself and Ricky in the end. Because it had officially ended whatever kind of friendship, or whatever part of their lives that they had shared together. He had hoped that in time that they would come around and that Amy and Ricky would be the bigger person and apologize after some time. That hadn't happened though. But maybe like Adrian, Amy had needed time to get her thoughts together. Maybe after she had got back into town and settled in again she had planned to come and do that very thing. But Ben might never know the answer to that question.

"Amy, I have loved you since the first day I saw you. You were my first love in my life and you will always hold a special place in my heart but I have moved on from our time together but so have you. I am married and I am in love with Adrian. She makes me very happy and I know before we got married you had your doubts about Adrian and myself. But it is working and we are very happy and I would give my life for Adrian. She is the love of my life and I love her more than I love you. But I wanted to be your friend Amy before and even after Mercy passed away. We tried but it didn't work did it? But if you make it I promise that I will try harder to be a good friend and I expect you and Ricky to do the same. Ricky and I have already made our peace after everything and I hoped you and I could or would eventually. But know all that matters is that you get better because I don't want to bury someone else that I love Amy. I don't want to stand at another funeral and say goodbye not for a very very long time. And I want you to live a long life and be happy and if Ricky and John make you happy as a family together than be happy Amy but live. We are all pulling for you to wake up and recover from this. I know your probably going to hurt for a long time with your grandma and now your mom but you are stronger than you think Amy. Adrian was very strong and when Mercy died it shattered her inside and it has taken her a very long time to try to put her life somewhat back together but she is doing it. And I know that you can too. But Amy I am afraid that if you die Ricky is going to lose it. He really loves you Amy. Maybe I saw that before and maybe I didn't. But I do now. He is a mess and he is in a lot of pain. He needs you Amy like I need Adrian. Maybe he didn't realize it right away when you first got together but he does now. Maybe after everything you went though with your grandmother's illness and recent death changed you both and made you both see how short and precious life is. But I suppose your chances as Ricky said are not good. So if you don't make it Amy I wanted you to know that I love you, and I forgive you for everything. And I will look after John and Ricky and your family as best as I can. But please if I ever meant anything to you try to hold on. But if this is it then goodbye Amy." Ben said as his tears fell swiftly and then he leaned in and gently held Amy's hand and gave it a gentle kiss and just as gently placed it back on the bed next to Amy. Then he stood up and he stood next to Amy for a few minutes.

"Amy if this is it. Goodbye." Ben said one final time and then he turned and walked out of the room and stood by the doorway as he saw Ricky and Adrian quietly talking and making their way back toward Amy's room. And then they were there just like that and Adrian arms were around him holding him up and giving him strength to go on.

"Thank you both so much. You have been very giving and gracious during all of this. More than perhaps I deserve." Ricky said with very sad eyes.

"The past is in the past Ricky. Lets just move on from here and make amends and try to really be friends. I think we are all ready for that. And we are sorry for all you are going through now. If there is anything else we can do please let us know or if you just need to talk or anything. We both care about you and we both hope that Amy pulls through this even though the doctors are saying chances aren't good. We are still hopeful and I hope you will keep the faith too." Adrian said with deep emotion in her voice.

"I am trying. But I will try harder. Thank you for your kind words." Ricky said as he leaned forward and gave Adrian a hug and then a handshake to Ben and then he quietly walked back into Amy's room and took a seat in the chair next to her bed and he sat there and waited for a future that he wasn't sure of but all any of them could do was to wait and see what it would bring.

Then Adrian and Ben walked out of the hospital with their arms around each other. They walked with a very somber look on their faces as the reality of what the future could possibly hold for everyone. "Ben I know that had to be hard for you to do that. But I am proud of you for doing it. You are a wonderful man and I love you even more than I possibly could love anyone." Adrian said and then leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Thank you for loving me and being with me. I love you so much Adrian too. And I am glad we are together and that we are sharing our lives with one another. And I want you to know that I could never live without you now. You complete me and I know that I am very happy. I just wanted you to know that considering everything that has happened and how fragile life can be." Ben said and he held onto Adrian closely as they snuggled together as they walked to their car.

Then as they got in there car they then drove home together. And as they went into their condo they stopped to get the mail. Adrian stopped as she saw a particular letter and then she handed it to Ben. Ben looked stunned as he stared at the letter very closely. Adrian watched as several emotions crossed his face. "Why don't you open it and read it?" Adrian said after a few seconds and then Ben turned the letter over and opened it and then he began to read the words on the paper aloud and it read:

Dear Ben and Adrian,

I don't know if you are together anymore and if you are no longer I am truly sorry. I behaved horribly as did Ricky when he kissed Adrian at Jesse's party. And I know sorry can not change what happened or make this right but I hope it is a start. I regret my actions and Ricky does too. I am truly sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused you both. I know that you have a had a horrible year and I hope that you both find happiness again in the future. It took the recent events of my grandmother's stroke and her recent death for me to really see how terrible we both behaved. I can never say how truly sorry that I am. I only hope that you can forgive me and that maybe one day maybe we can really be friends but if not I promise ot both of you that I will not bother you anymore. I will be coming home soon and coming back to school but I will just keep to myself and I won't try to talk or interfere in any way. But if by any miracle you would like to be friends I will wait for you to make the first move. I understand that I need to be a better person for my son, for Ricky, for my family, but mostly for myself. I only hope that I can become that person and one day make my son proud of his mother. But I can only promise to try and I am ready to make that step in my life and I only hope that I can forgive myself for my actions as well. Again I am truly very sorry and if there is anything else that I can do to ease the pain and the damage that I have caused from my careless actions please allow me to do what I can if not then I wish you the best happiness in the world and I hope you both have great lives.

Amy

Ben and Adrian just stared at the letter in shock not expecting it at all. Then Adrian and Ben held onto one another and they both cried uncontollably. Both of them distraught over the recent events and Amy's letter and Mercy's death, and all of their emotions overwhelming each other. And they stood there in front of their condo for several minutes as they held onto one another and cried for everything that had happened.  
> <p>


	7. Between Life and Death

The next day Adrian and Ben came back to the hospital after they got Amy's letter. There they found Ricky sitting in the same spot as before. He looked horrible. He was pale, had dark circles under his eyes, and he had the saddest look on his face that Adrian had ever seen him have since she had known him. Adrian walked over to Ricky and sat down in a chair near him. She put her hand on his and she watched as the man they had all known was slowly unraveling before her.

"Ricky?" Adrian said with concern in her voice.

"I keep telling myself that this is a horrible nightmare and that I am going to wake up and find her asleep next to me. But no matter how much I try to wake up I can't. And I just want to know why? Why is this happening? Why to my family? Why to the one person that I can't live without? I just don't understand. Haven't we all been through enough in our lives already? I know you and Ben have been to hell and back. Are you any closer to the answers of why and how?" Ricky said as if he was talking to himself when he was all alone.

"No I haven't. But Ricky you can ask yourself until you go crazy why? But in the end it did, and nothing can change it or make it ok. It is a horrible event in your life that happens to good people and unfortunately we must go on no matter how painful and hurt we are. Because in order to honor those that we have lost we have to keep living our lives otherwise we only sink into the deep darkness from the pain." Adrian said with hurt and pain in her voice.

"Is it that easy?" Ricky asked her after a while.

"No it hurts like hell. Because part of you wants to stay in that moment instead of moving on. Because it hurts so much to try to pick up the pieces and try to put some part of your life back together. And there are days that you will slip and even fall back down but you have to get back up and keep trying. I am not going to lie it isn't easy. I felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest when I lost my child. And I felt like they had just left this empty shell of my former self in it's place. I didn't want to move on or try to heal my wounds. I wanted to feel the pain with each moment of the day. I wanted to remember every moment of that day that it happened. Because in reliving it, it made Mercy still a part of me even though she was gone. I needed some part of her to have lived and to have had a purpose to her life. But there came a time when it wasn't enough anymore to keep bringing the pain to the surface every day so it felt as fresh as the day Mercy died. You are right Ben and I went through hell, we really did. No one should ever have to go through that, ever. It is a pain that I cannot even put into words. I can tell you how it felt but that is only a fraction of the pain in your heart, your soul, your mind, your life, your very being of who you are. But one day I realized that I wanted to honor her life and not her death. I wanted her life to have purpose no matter how short she was here. So I began to start my life over. It wasn't easy. It took months but I am at a good place now. I won't lie and tell you that I don't think about Mercy every day of my life, and that the pain has gone away and that I feel healed. Because I do Ricky. I still feel that pain, I still think about her every day. But I chose life instead of death. I wanted to live. You have to try to keep going for John. He needs you Ricky, he needs you more than he ever has before. We are all here for you. I know your pain is different than losing our child. I mean Ben and I didn't wonder if she was coming back she was just gone. But you sit here and watch as Amy's life becomes dimmer each day. Your life is caught between the living and the dead. I suppose you can't really move on, but you have to stay here among the living Ricky. You have a son and he needs you. I know you want to crawl up and just cry until you have nothing left in you, but you can't. You have to cry when your away but then you have to put your pain away while your taking care of John." Adrian said as she could see the pain across Ben and Ricky's faces as she spoke aloud. She could feel it close to her now.

"I know that your right. But I just can't seem to leave her Adrian. She looks so helpless and fragile. I blame myself for what happened that day. It should have been me instead of Amy." Ricky said as his hands went up to his face to wipe away the tears that fell.

"No Ricky. You can't think like that. It was an accident. No one is to blame for what happened that day. You have to let go of all of that. Or you are never going to find peace within yourself whether Amy lives or doesn't live. Your never going to be able to forgive yourself if you put the blame of an accident on your shoulders." Adrian said quietly.

"No it was my fault Adrian. I was supposed to drive Anne's truck home. Amy was going to drive her own vehicle. But I told her to spend some time with her mom for the few hours drive. Anne was in no condition to drive that day. She was a wreck. She was crying and in so much pain when her mom died. I thought Amy and her could drive together and spend some time talking. So she traded places with me at the last moment. And then within twenty minutes it happened. I have never felt so helpless in all my life to see the horrible events unfold before my very eyes. I tried to get to them, but there was so much smoke, and there were cars, and pieces from them everywhere. It took twenty minutes for the police and fire just to cut Amy and Anne out of the truck. And Anne was already gone when they did. And Amy wasn't much better. When I saw her as they put her on a gurney and took her from the crash to the ambulance... it was heartbreaking. Amy lay there still and quiet...she was covered in blood and bruises. I could see her bone sticking out of her leg, and... she looked so pale and small. And there wasn't anything I could do to help her or protect her. So you see it was my fault that Amy got into that truck and it was my fault that Amy is in the hospital now." Ricky said as his tears poured down his face in waves.

"Ricky we all make choices that we have to live with. In the moments that we make the choices that we do, we never know that the outcome will be or the impact on our lives. You made the right choice at that time. There were factors that were out of your contol that happened and you can't blame yourself for those factors that caused the accident. You didn't do anything wrong, Amy didn't do anything wrong either. It just happened and blaming yourself will only cause more heartbreak and sorrow for you and your family. I am praying for Amy and I hope that by some miracle of God that she comes out of this, but if that doesn't happen you have to prepare for that emotionally. We are here for you." Adrian said as her own tears were falling. The emotion, and all the pain was so much for her to deal with at that moment. She got up from her seat and ran to the bathroom down the hall.

Ben checked on Adrian after a few minutes. Adrian came out of the bathroom as Ben was standing outside by the door. She wiped away her tears. "Are you okay?" Ben asked with worry and panic in his voice.

"Yeah, I threw up. My stomach just couldn't take all that I guess. How's Ricky?" Adrian asked as Ben touched her forehead and her cheeks with his palm of his hand.

"He's hurting. And I don't think anyone can help him or change what he is going through. We just have to try to be there for them. That is all we can do for each other. Adrian your warm. Are you sure your up to this? I am really worried about you." Ben said quietly.

"Yeah I will be fine. Probably just coming down with something." Adrian said and put on a smile for him but inside she felt like she was falling apart. But she put up a brave front so that she wouldn't worry anyone.  
> <p>


	8. You Were Here?

Another week had passed since Adrian and Ben had received Amy's letter. Adrian had read it over and over again. Nothing seem to make sense anymore to her. Her life had changed so much in the last three years. At one point she was sure she would marry and share a life with Ricky. But then her life had changed as Ricky left her life, and another man came into it, Ben. Everything had seemed to come together right after they were married. She and Ben had made peace with Amy and Ricky. They had been happy at least for a while. But after the horrible death of their baby girl everything had changed and had been shattered. It had rocked both Ben and Adrian to their very core. It made them question everything and everyone around them. And now as life for them was coming together it seemed as if Amy and Ricky's was unraveling before their eyes.

Adrian had gone to the bathroom and had taken a pregnancy test. In the past week she had been feeling ill. She feared what the resuls might be. So she set the test on the counter and set the timer on her phone and then she left the bathroom and went into the living room. As she waited for the results Amy weighed heavy on her mind. She felt completely helpless to her. There was no way for Adrian to help her. Their lives had been different but some lines very similiar. Adrian felt sick at the thought that Amy might not make it. She wanted her to live. But still her life hung in the balance.

Adrian hadn't always been nice to Amy, and she didn't really like her in the beginning. But she never wished anything bad to happen to her. Adrian had cried for last year, the last week, and even last night. But still it did not ease her pain or her fear of what might come. Adrian felt like Amy was disappearing, as if she might not even existed at all. All of a sudden Adrian felt overwhelming feeling to find evidence of Amy's life. That she had been born, that she had a life, and that she meant something to this world and the people in it.

She went over to her desk and pulled out a huge file filled with various papers and things. She opened the folder and went through several items until she found the newspaper clipping that she had cut out so long ago and she held up and she began to read the words that had hurt her deeply after everything but now would hopefully bring her the proof she wanted

Amy Elizabeth Juergens and Richard "Ricky" Michael Underwood are pleased to annouce their engagement. Ricky graduated from Grant High School in is currently employed by Boykewich Butcher Shop. Ricky plans to attend a local college this fall and pursue a degree in business. Amy is currently in her senior year at Grant High School and is on track to graduate in spring of 2012. Amy plans to attend a local college in the fall of 2012. She plans to pursue a degree to become a teacher. Amy is currently employed by a local church run be Reverend Stone where she works at their daycare. She also teaches music to several of the children at the daycare. Amy and Ricky plan to wed summer of 2012.

Adrian felt better at reading the announcement. It made her feel as if Amy still had a future even though all the doctors were telling them that she probably didn't. Adrian pulled out several more articles from different events in her life and others that she had stored away and not looked at in some time. First she read through her own engagement annoucement. It read differently then Amy and Rickys but both were important.

Leo and Betty Boykewich are please to announce the engagement of their son Benjamin Shawn Boykewich or Ben as he is called to Ms. Adrian Isabella Lee-Enriquez. Adrian is the daughter of Ruben and Cindy Enriquez. Adrian is currently a senior at Grant High School. Adrian who has been accepted into several Universities and Colleges has yet to decide where she will attend in the fall of 2011 after she graduates. Adrian plans to get her law degree and practice law much like her father who is an Assistant D.A. Cindy Enriquez, Adrian's mother, also works as flight attendant for Jet Blue airlines for the past fifteen years. Ben is also currently attending Grant High School where he is in his junior year. Ben also plans to go on to college after he graduates in the spring of 2012. While he is unsure of what his major will be he is hopeful when he goes to college he will have found his true calling and know what he would like study. Ben is currently employed by Boykewich Butcher Shop, which his family owns. Ben's father Leo owns and runs Boykewich Inc. Ben's mother Sarah died several years ago, but his stepmother Betty is very proud and loves her stepson very much. Ben and Adrian are hoping to marry within the next few months as they are expecting their first child not long afterword. They hope to marry in a small, and private ceremony.

Adrian held the clipping close to her and then she placed it down and picked the next clipping, the one she had been avoiding for some time. But finally she began to read the words that had showed her own child should have had a life.

Mercy Angel Boykewich died unexpectedly on January 2nd, 2011. Mercy is survived by her mother Adrian (Lee-Enriquez) Boykewich and her father Ben Boykewich. She is also suvived by her grandfather Leo Boykewich and her step grandmother Betty (Jones) Boykewich, her grandparents Ruben and Cindy (Lee) Boykewich. She was proceeded in death by her grandmother Sarah (Thompson) Boykewich, her great-grand mother and grandfather Lisa and Greg Thompson. Mercy died before she ever had a chance to live. She will be remembered forever in her parents hearts who will grieve and miss her terribly. Instead of flowers Ben and Adrian are asking that if you would like to please make a donation to The Star Legacy Organization for Stillbirth and Education in memory of Mercy. Ben and Adrian hope that one day that stillbirth will no longer occur or happen to anyone else in the future. Mercy's funeral will be held at the Baumman Funeral Home followed by the burial. Ben and Adrian would like to extend their thanks to everyone who has been helping and comforting them through this difficult time.

Adrian wiped away her tears. The pain hurt her so much. More than she ever knew that she could be hurt and it had split apart ildher life and everything that she held precious. After a few more minutes Adrian looked at the last paper clipping that she had picked out that had been added only in the last few weeks.

Anne Lynn (Lockhart) Juergens died in a horrible crash on February 4rth, 2012. Anne was born on March 27th, 1971 to Howard and Joanne "Mimzy" (Smythe) Lockhart-Levy. Anne graduated from Clay High School on June 2nd 1989. Anne attended college at Randall College and pursued a career in woman studies. Although she never graduated from college that never stopped her in her life to continue her education and her employment. Anne married George Elliot Juergens on January 10th, 1993. Anne later that year gave birth to her first daughter Amy, and followed by her second child, Ashley the next year. And within fifteen years later she would have her third child a son, named Robert "Robbie". While raising her children she also worked for a while as an advisor to architecture firms, then she worked at her family's furniture store, and lastly Anne and George had started a new online furniture business which Anne took over the running of the business and managed on her own as it became very successful. In the past three years while she worked, raised her children, she also took time to help care for her ailing mother Mimzy who had been diagnosed with Alzheimers and within the past year had suffered a stroke. Anne was passionite about architecture, being green, her career, and her family. Anne never took her decisions lightly and she was willing to fight for what she believed in. Although she never was active in many causes, or in a religion, those that remember her have said that she had a gentle kindness about her that when it really mattered she would fight for what was right. Anne is preceeded in death by her parents Howard and Joanne Lockhart-Levy, and her sister Amelia Lockhart who died in infancy. Anne is survived by her husband George, her children Amy, Ashley, and Robbie, her grandson John, her stepfather Emmett Levy, her daughter Amy's fiancee' Ricky.

Adrian then looked over at today's newpaper and she began to read the latest article related to the crash. She read: After a lengthy investigation by several law enforcement agencies Police Chief Simons who led up the investigation into the February 4th crash on the 405 that left eight people dead and dozens of others were injuries ranging from minor to sevre. After examining the evidence and recreating the scene crash, and eye witness reports Police Chief Simons had this to say, "While this horrible event that has occured has changed many lives it has been determined after a thorough investigation that it was caused by a car that had lost their tire and lost control of the vehicle then causing the pile up on the 405 in the early morning of Febuary the fourth. It was indeed an accident and any and all people have been cleared of any wrong doing that might have possibly caused the crash, it was indeed an accident, a horrible event in the lives of many, but an accident that was caused by several factors out of the control of those on the highway that day. I along with everyone who worked on the investigation send out our deepest sypmathies to those who have lost someone and to those still dealing with the aftermath of the crash." While many still are questioning the events of that morning that perhaps this horrible events could have been prevented. But no matter what nothing will bring back the eight people who are now gone because of it.

Adrian heard her phone go off and she wiped the tears from her eyes. She took a deep breath and then she put the clippings back into the folder and put them away. Then she went into her bathroom and she walked over to the counter. She picked up the test and she opened her eyes after a few seconds and the moment of truth had finally come for her and the answer was before her... 


	9. The Truth Is

Adrian gasped when she saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test. She put her hand to her stomach. She couldn't believe that she was carrying a baby, Ben's baby. She heard the front door open. She quickly threw the pregnancy test away. Then she washed her hands and then she went into the living room. Ben had gone out and got breakfast. Adrian went up to Ben and put her arms around him and then she gave him a very deep and long kiss. They parted moments later and Ben looked amazed.

"Wow! What did I do to deserve that?" Ben said as he stroked her cheek with the palm of his hand.

"For being there for me in the last few weeks with everything going on. I know it has been hectic with our schedules and then everything going on with Amy and Ricky. I just feel so horrible about it. It makes me sad to see so much pain and uncertainty in life. I just wish there was something we could do to help. But I just wanted to show my appreciation and how much that I love you." Adrian said as her face went from sad to a huge smile.

Ben leaned down and kissed Adrian and then they parted once again. "Well thank you. If I get one of those every morning I will be more than happy to get breakfast. I know it's hard for Amy and Ricky and their family. But there is nothing that anyone can do to change what is going to happen. We know that. But all we can do is be there for them and keep being there. And were already doing that now when we can. I love you Adrian. I know that I haven't said that in a while. You mean so much to me. I know we have had a horrible year with everything and time can never change that but I feel like I am almost me again. Not the same but I am alright where months ago I wasn't. And I know you weren't either. But we have each other and I wouldn't give you up for anyone in the world. I really know what love is. I love you so much sweetheart." Ben said as he looked at Adrian with a fire in his eyes.

Adrian leaned in and kissed him and kissed him. "Since were talking about love and our future. I have some news for you. I didn't plan this, I mean one day but not at this time. But I am happy. Ben we are going to have a baby!" Adrian said as she watched Ben go from a loving look to an astonished look.

"A baby? We're going to have a baby?" Ben said in awe and question at the same time.

"Yes. I just took a test and it came out postive. I mean I am pretty sure anyway. I still have to see my doctor to confirm but I have been having symptoms that indicated that I am pregnant. Are you happy?" Adrian said after a few more moments.

"Yes! I am happy, very happy. But I am also scared and hesitant at the same time though. I mean after everything that happened. I don't think I will feel relieved until I can hold my child in my arms and can hear their heartbeat, and can see their chest rising and falling as they take breath with each moment. I just need it to be different this time. I don't think I can ever hold another still child in my arms Adrian. The thought breaks my heart." Ben said as tears streamed down his face. Adrian wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her and they just there for a while as they both cried for their loss.

"I know. I never ever want either of us or anyone that we know go through that pain and the physical reminder of holding your baby so still and so quiet haunts me sometimes as I sleep at night. But I also have to have faith that our future will hold a child full of life and happiness. Because I if I don't I won't make it through this pregnancy this time around without fearing the worst at all times. We have to have courage to face the unknown and hope for a happy outcome. Ricky is trying to do the same with Amy as she lays there fighting more each day for her life. We have to believe Ben. I love you and I want this baby, our baby." Adrian said and kissed his hands, his cheeks and finally on the lips.

Then they made there way into the bedroom and they laid on their bed and held onto one another for a long time. Adrian fell asleep from exhaustion from the past few weeks. Ben held onto her and he kissed her forehead as she slept. Then he ever so gently put his hand to Adrian's stomach. He gently moved his hand across her flat stomach. His thoughts filled with wonder, fear, excitement, hesitation, and hope for a child of his own to hold and love and raise with his wife.

"I know we didn't plan on you coming along just now, but your mommy and I want you so much. Truth is I am a little scared, but if I get the chance to have you in my life I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much we love you little one. I love you Adrian." Ben said as he placed a gentle kiss on her lips and he finally closed his eyes and fell fast asleep where his dreams came to life with his hopes for the future.  
>****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************<p>

Ricky stood still and quiet as he stood in front of a coffin. He made his feet move even though they didn't want to. He finally saw the horror in front of his eyes. There lay his finacee' Amy still and quiet. She was pale and her eyes were closed. She was ironically dressed in white as she would have worn on their wedding day, but now that wouldn't happen. She looked as if she was asleep but Ricky knew she wasn't. He felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. He felt his knees buckle from under him and he hit the ground and he cried hysterically and screamed in horror. Finally after a few more minutes he got up and went to the coffin and put his hands on Amy's face on either side.

"Amy! Come back to me! You can't be gone. AMY! AMY! Wake up! Please Amy you can't be dead! I can't live without you. Please, please come back to me sweetheart. It wasn't suppose to end like this. NOO!" Ricky said as he shook Amy as hard as he could, only she just laid there and no response came no matter how long he waited.

Ricky picked up Amy out of the coffin and held her close to him. She was cold, silent, still, and there was nothing of her left except her body. The Amy he loved had left this earth, John, and himself there to face life alone. Ricky clutched her body close to his chest as he cried with all the tears left within him. Ricky felt like he was numb and he was dying inside. Nothing mattered without her in his life and he couldn't face life without her. He wanted, no he needed her to open her eyes and for her to kiss him and tell him that everything would be alright. Only he knew that as he held her cold stone body that wouldn't happen.

Ricky woke up in a cold sweat as his nightmare felt so close to him. He could still feel her still silent cold lifeless body in his arms as he had clutched her and cried for everything that he had lost without her. Ricky stood up and went over to Amy's bedside. He held her hands in his own and he kissed her hands, then her eyelids, and finally her cheeks.

"Amy I need you. I don't want to be at your funeral and have to say goodbye. I want you to reach out and find your way back to me. If you can hear me I am pleading with you to come back. I need you so much that I feel if you don't come back I will fall apart and lose my way. I want us to get married, raise John, and just be happy together until our time in life runs out many years down the road. But not now, not like this. It wasn't suppose to be you Amy. It should have been me. And if you wake up I spend the rest of my life to you for making a choice that put you here and caused the loss of your mother. Amy, I love you so much. I am here. I have been by your side the whole time and I will be until you come back. Please listen to me and don't let go." Ricky said as he put his head down by her hand and cried once more as he had for the past several days.

Ricky felt like Amy's life was slipping away as if it were sand and the more he tried to hold onto her the more he fell further from him. Ricky knew what he wanted was irrelevant, but he didn't care. He loved her so much, and so did their son and their families. Life would never be the same if Ricky had to say goodbye and relive the horrible nightmare that he had just had while he had slept beside the woman he loved. All he could do was hope and pray for the best and truly that was all he could do for her and for himself. Everything to keep her alive that could be done had been and there was nothing left to do but wait to see whether she lived or died. 


	10. Bittersweet Moments

Adrian and Ben sat in the waiting room of her doctor's office. Ben held Adrian's hand as they waited for the nurse to call their names for their scheduled appoinment. Ben leaned over and gave Adrian a deep kiss and then he pulled back and smiled at her. Adrian smiled back at him. This was the happiest they had been since Mercy had passed away. They just wanted to enjoy every fleeting moment of happiness that came there way. All of a sudden the nurse came out from one of the doors and came out into the waiting room.

"Adrian Boykewich?" the nurse asked out loud into the crowd waiting.

"Here I am." Adrian said as she and Ben got up from their seats and went over to where the nurse was waiting.

"If you would both follow me back." the nurse led them through the office until she showed them into one of the medical rooms.

"If you would undress and put the gown on. I will be back in just a few minutes when you have changed." the nurse instructed and left the room so Adrian could change.

Fifteen minutes later Adrian was seated on the examining table and the nurse had taken her vitals and asked her some questions all the while documenting everything she was checking and that Adrian told her. Then she finished with a few more notes on her chart and then she picked up the chart and she let Adrian know that the doctor would be in shortly. Adrian sat there and waited a few minutes. She looked around the room. Everything on the walls had to with pregnancy, babies, and the physical being of women. She looked over at Ben and gave him an encouraging smile. Ben was still seated so he wouldn't feel the urge to faint as he had in the past. Finally Adrian saw the door open and a young woman of about thirty seven or so walked into the room.

"Hi Adrian and Ben, I am Dr. Andrews. I am sorry you couldn't see your regular obgyn, he is out of town for a family reunion. So I am seeing all of his patients in the meantime until her returns." Dr. Andrews said with a genuine smile.

"Hi, Dr Andrews. I am Adrian and this is my husband Ben." Adrian said as she shook the doctors hand. Then the doctor reached her hand out to Ben who shook it with a weak nervous grasp.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Andrews." Ben managed to choke out from somewhere.

"It's nice to meet you as well Ben. Alright Adrian what brings you here today?" Dr. Andrews said as she took a seat on her stool and moved it next to the examining table where Adrian was seated.

"I have been feeling sick and I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive." Adrian said with a bit of a nervous voice.

"Alright. First we will draw some blood and run a test and I will examine you and see what we have." Dr. Andrews said and then she went over and opened one of the locked cabinets. She grabbed a needle. Then she rubbed a disinfectant wipe on Adrian arm. Then she found a vein and inserted the needle and drew some blood. Then she labeled it with Adrian's name and handed it off to the nurse who left the room to test the blood. Then she asked Adrian several questions and wrote them down on Adrian's chart.

Next Adrian laid down on the table. Dr. Andrews gently pressed on her lower abdomen and made some notes on Adrian's chart. Then she put Adrian's feet up in stirrups and did an internal exam. Adrian focussed on Ben's face as the doctor finished her exam. She helped Adrian sit up on the table and then Dr. Andrews sat down on her stool again and faced Adrian.

"I am going to do a ultrasound and see if we can see anything. So just sit for a few more minutes while we get the equipment ready. I will be back in just a few minutes." Dr. Andrews said and picked up Adrian's chart and then left the room leaving Adrian and Ben alone in the room.

"Isn't this fun?" Ben said as he took in Adrian's face and mood.

"Yeah." Adrian said as she wiped away a tear from her face.

Ben got up and he embraced Adrian in his arms and held her close. "I love you Adrian. I know that this wonderful and hard all at the same time. We will make it work this time. I just have a feeling it will be okay this time around." Ben said and then he gently cupped her face with his hands and kissed her deeply with passion.

Then they heard the door open and Ben sat down and Dr. Andrews came in with a few people who set up the equipment and then they all left the room except Dr. Andrews stayed. She had Adrian lay down as she had before. Then she got ready and started to do the ultrasound. She stared at the machine for a while and made some notes then she turned to Adrian and Ben who was now standing by Adrian's head.

"Ok look right there. There is your baby. And there is the baby's heartbeat. It is nice and strong. Here listen." Dr. Andrews said and then she did something to the machine. Then a strong, steady beat of a heart filled the small medical room. Adrian and Ben were filled with love and awe at the sound of their baby's heart.

"The baby looks good and is growing normally. I would say your about eleven weeks along already. Congragulations." Dr. Andrews said to Adrian and Ben. Then Ben leaned in and gave Adrian a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Thank you very much."

A few more minutes later Dr. Andrews had given Adrian some information regarding the first few months of pregnancy, and went over concerns and scheduled several appointments with her. Then she left the room again and wished them a good day. Then Adrian changed back into her shorts and camisole that she had worn that day. Then she and Ben left he doctor's office and went out to Adrian's car. Ben got in the drivers seat and and Adrian got into the passenger's seat and Ben leaned over and held onto her as Adrian let her emotions go and let her tears flow freely.

"I am happy about the baby. I guess it just hurts still so much from the loss of Mercy. I still long for her all the time. But I am happy and I will love this child if we are given the chance so much. It just hurts so much." Adrian said between the tears.

"I know Adrian. I know." Ben said as they held onto one another and let their tears of joy and sorrow fall all at once.

At the same time Ricky sat near Amy's bedside still waiting for a sign for something. Ricky heard a knock on the door and when he turned to see who it was George walked into Amy's ICU room. He pulled up another chair next Ricky and sat down in it. Then he turned toward Ricky and he cleared his throat. His thoughts had been weighing heavy on his mind for a few days since everything had happened. Between losing Mimzy, Mimzy's funeral, losing Anne, and then her own funeral, and then the thought of his liitle Amy fighting for every breath that she took had broken him.

"Ricky there is something I need to say to you. I know your hurting like hell. God knows I am too. But it hurts me to see you sitting here day in and day out waiting for something that might now come. I understand you want to be near Amy, I do to. But we cannot shut ourselves away from life. Your only going to hurt yourself more in the end. I wish you would leave here even if it just for the night. I feel like your slipping away like Amy is, only your here and your alive Ricky. You are among the living but you act as if you aren't." George said with great pain in his voice.

"I don't want to miss seeing her wake up. I need her so much that it hurts me to see her like this, but I would rather be here in each moment than not at all. She has to wake up and come back to me she just has to." Ricky said as he kept his eyes on Amy.

"I understand. You wanna either join her or for her to wake up. But Ricky have you thought about that she might not. Amy might remain in this state for the rest of her life, or she could die tomorrow, then again miracles happen and she could recover and come out of it any moment. But Ricky you have to keep living. Because your only sinking farther from this life each day you stay here waiting for something that is against all the odds. John should be your focus now. He is alive and he is waiting for you. He is always asking for you and Amy. It breaks my heart to see him so sad waiting for one of you to walk through the door. He needs you Ricky, he really does. He doesn't understand all of this and if Amy cannot be there then you should be. Because I know Amy would want you to live your life, take care of John, and be happy. She wouldn't want to see you like this." George said and he saw Ricky look at him finally and he knew he had reached him somewhere when mentioning what Amy would want and his son John.

"I get that. But I just can't." Ricky said with a lot of pain in his voice and sadness in his eyes.

"Ricky I can't see you sit here and watch Amy die too day and day again. I can't take it. I really can't. I have seen enough death and funerals to last the rest of my life. And I know it hurts like hell. Because I am hurting and I have so many regrets right now. But I have to get up and start each day and take care of Robbie, Ashley, and John because they are my life now. And they are all that I have left of Anne and Amy. And I won't give up a single moment with them for anything. I just want to see you happy and see you smile and see John happy. I know that I might not know what your going through. My love is gone and there is no chance she is coming back. I know yours is still fighting but I am not like you Ricky. I don't have the courage to sit and wait for Amy to either die or wake up. I just can't." George told him.

"I understand all that you say. But John is in good hands with you and my parents right now. I am in no shape to take care of him. I know that Amy's wouldn't want this. But life is worth almost nothing to me without her in it. She is the one who makes me laugh, she makes me want to get up each morning to face the day. She sets my heart alive and full. And right now I cannot leave her. I will come see John for a liitle while later tonight though. I do miss him and he is one of the only other people who can make me smile next to Amy. I understand what your saying and I appreciate what your saying but this is what I need right now at this moment in time." Ricky said and then turned his attention back to George.

"Well that's a start. I will have dinner ready round seven if you want to come by and you can eat a decent meal for once and spend some time with John. I know he will be very happy to see you. I will see you later. I have to get back Ashley is watching both boys now. We all care about you a lot Ricky. We all need you too. Remember that." George said and gave Ricky a hug and then left the room quietly leaving Ricky in the same spot as he had been when he came in. 


	11. Waking Up to What?

Ricky held Amy's hand in his own and all of a sudden he felt it move. He gasped out of breath from the shock. Then he turned and he saw Amy's eyes open. She looked groggy but she was one hundred percent awake. Ricky pulled her hand to his lips and he kissed it. Amy looked up at him and was just coming around after her long ordeal in the coma. Ricky held her hand and kissed her cheeks and her forehead.

"Amy! I am so happy to see you awake sweetheart. I love you baby so much. I knew you would come back to me." Ricky said as he looked deep into the eyes that he loved so much and that had been absent from his life for a long time.

"Whaat..happeened?" Amy managed to choke out as her voice was hoarse.

Ricky helped her drink a glass of water before he answered her. "You were involved in a car accident. You don't remember?" Ricky told her.

"No. I remember leaving my mom's condo early that morning so I could be back in school by the afternoon. And I was driving and talking with my mom and then everything else goes blank. How long have I been out?" Amy asked.

"Almost three weeks. But that's ok. All that matters is that I got you back. I was beginning to think the worst. But even still I didn't give up on you." Ricky said with the biggest smile on his face.

"What happened to my mom? Is she in the hospital too or is she at home now?" Amy asked all of a sudden.

"Your mom... Amy maybe you should rest and I should probably get your doctor so he can you check you out now that your awake." Ricky said trying to switch the subject without Amy thinking about it but she caught on.

"Ricky...you need to tell me what happened. I need to know no matter what it is." Amy said as she reached out for his hand and took it in her own with a very weak grasp as her body had been through the ringer.

"Amy...your mom was hurt badly. She suffered a skull fracture, and she had internal bleeding. They tried real hard to save her, but I am so sorry honey but she didn't make it. I am so very sorry." Ricky said as he felt the pain rushing back at him all over again.

"No! No it can't be! Oh my God it was my fault I was driving! It should have been me not her. Why is this happening?" Amy said as tears flooded down her cheeks.

Ricky embraced her. "No it wasn't your fault. Amy I love you and I know that your hurting. But I cannot bare the thought of you not in this world or in my life. We need you so much. Please don't say that again it hurts me so much to hear. Especially after the last few weeks." Ricky said as he embraced her and held her tightly. They held onto one another as Amy let all her tears fall. She cried for hours it seemed and still it couldn't ease her pain. The sudden realization of losing her mother hit her like a ton of bricks falling on top of her. It was like she was trapped and the air and light were very little in her life. How was she supposed to go on with her life now? She needed her mother like she needed the air. She couldn't breath without either. Then a sudden flashback came to Amy.

Amy was in her mother's truck driving back home after several months away from her hometown. They had all decided to move closer and all help take care of Mimzy as she had gotten worse since her last stroke. It had been a trying time for everyone as life got hectic and there was always something needed or something that had to be done. But after Mimzy died everyone decided to start their lives back where to the place they all loved and they all needed a fresh start after the past year with everything.

"Are you excited to be going home?" Amy asked her mom.

"Yeah, a little. I am just missing my mother so much. I know she was older and she had a lot of health problems, but she was still your mother. I miss her so much it hurts. She was such a big part of my life and now I just feel like a huge piece is missing. I miss her more than I ever did when we lived apart. But I guess than I always knew I could get into the car and drive to see her. I feel like a child who doesn't know where to go or what to do now that she is gone." Anne said as she wiped away several tears from her eyes.

Amy reached out and squeezed her mom's hand. "It's alright mom. A loss is horrible in our lives and it may take weeks,months, maybe even years for you to find the right path for you again. I think it has affected us all. I mean it was hard to watch Mimzy so fragile, and in so much pain and confusion. I think that hurt you alot too. I mean I know it would if I came to see you and you didn't remember me or know who I was." Amy said with a bit of sadness in her voice.

"Yeah, a part of me is relieved she is no longer in that world of pain and not knowing, but I miss her I think I always will." Anne said.

"I agree. I will miss her alot too. But you still have all of us mom. You have dad, Ashley, Robbie, John, me, and even Ricky mom. He has been really worried about you. He wanted us to spend some time together on the way back. That's why we changed cars at the last minute. I think he was right. The stress and horrible events have been hard on us all and we have hardly spent any real time together talking and laughing." Amy said as she thought of her fiance.

"Speaking of Ricky are you guys thinking about your wedding at all? Any plans or dates you thought of?" Anne asked happy to talk about something lighter.

"Yeah we actually did. We decided to get married on May 10th. We just want something small, perhaps outdoors and just close family and a few friends perhaps. But I am really happy." Amy said as her face lit up as she put her turn signal on and they got on the 405.

"That's wonderful Amy. I hope you have a great wedding day. Maybe you could get married at that beautiful park where they have the trees by the ocean and the white gazebo. You would have all those roses, carnations, and tupils in full bloom and it would be a beautiful location." Anne said as she thought of it.

"Yeah, I will talk to Ricky and take him there but that just might be the best location. Thanks mom I love you." Amy said.

"Your welcome. I love you too Amy. I always have and I always will." Anne said.

Then all of a sudden the car in front of them hit there brakes and Amy did too but there wasn't enough time to stop so the truck collided with the small nissan in front of them. The car hit hard and then they felt the impact from the car behind them and the truck was smashed and pinned between them. Anne was unconscious and she was bleeding horribly from her head. Amy came too for a few seconds after the impact.

"Mom! Mom wake up we have to get out of here right now!" Amy said as she shook her mom hard. But there was no response. Amy unbuckled the seat belt after she pulled on it repeatedly finally it gave way. She tried to get up but her leg was pinned down between all the metal and it hurt bad. Amy was sure it was all of a sudden Amy felt another impact as another vehicle hit them. Amy screamed out loud. And finally she could feel her air running out and the light was gone.

Right before she passed out again she said." I love you John and I love you Ricky. Goodbye." Amy said and the darkness overcame her.

Amy was now back in the present time as she remember the horrible details of that day. She so wanted to erase those memories from her mind but she couldn't they were now apart of her. She held onto Ricky even tighter as she had another crying spell hit her all over again. And they sat there for several minutes holding one another as Amy cried every tear she had in her and then some.  
>Adrian woke up the next morning to her phone buzzing. She sat up groggily and she picked up her cell off the nightstand and then she saw she had a new voicemail. She dialed her number and then her password and she listened to the auto recording telling her that she had a new mesage that had been sent late last night from Ricky. Adrian felt a bit of fear as the message began to play. "Hey Adrian it's Ricky. I am just calling to tell you and Ben that Amy woke up earlier today. She is talking and hyer memory is a little fuzzy but her doctors are pleased with her condition. I just wanted to let you know and to thank you both for being there for me. I know you have a lot going on right now with everything in your lives. Anyway thanks again and I will talk to you later." the recording ended.<p>

Adrian gave Ben a shake and he woke up and then he sat up after a minuter or so. "Good morning." He said and then he kissed her deeply and they parted out of breath.

"Morning. I got a call from Ricky yesterday. We must have slept right through it. He said Amy is awake and she is talking. It sounds like she is out of danger and doing well. At least that is something after all the worrying and waiting. Ricky sounds so relieved on the message. I am happy she is safe and on the road to recovery." Adrian said.

"Oh that's good. I am real happy too. I am happy that she is going to be alright and I am happy things will get back to normal for us. I love you Adrian. I know I say it all the time but I really mean it. I love you so much that it hurts." Ben said as he kissed her again and again. Finally parting with a huge smile on his face.

"You know we are going to have decide when to tell everyone about the baby. I am already getting a baby bump and I am only twelve weeks along. When do you think we should tell people?" Adrian said as she had been thinking about it for a week or so since they had found out about the baby.

"I think we should tell them whenever your ready to and not before then. This is our baby and I don't want you under any more stress. It isn't good for you or our baby. I just want you to be happy and healthy. You two are the most important people in my life and I don't want to lose either of you. But don't worry about telling people when you feel the timing is right I will take care of it. Ok?" Ben said as he kissed her cheek.

"Alright sounds like a plan. I love you too and I really mean that. I guess you can never say it enough. Especially since the world in which we live is forever changing and uncertain. We both know that all too well. Life is fragile even with the best odds. We just have to enjoy the moments we all have and not live life with regrets or worries." Adrian said and then she embraced him and kissed him deeply and then they laid down next to each other and held onto one another for a while before they would have to get up and start the rest of another hectic day for both of them. After all life is about the quiet ordinary moments that sometimes make the deepest memories and impact on us. Sometime more than we know until years later when we are reminded of it for one reason or another. It brings us back in that time and that place and with those people. The memories that we have locked away and moments in our lives make up who we are and that is truly a beautiful thing and so Adrian and Ben held onto one another making one of those sweet memories to lock away for another day and another time.


	12. Sad Homecoming and New Beginnings

Another week had passed since Amy had woken up from her coma. Her doctors were amazed at her remarkable recovery. And they released her after that week had passed by. And so Ricky came to pick her up and bring her home their apartment. Her leg was healing well and she was now on crutches. She would still have to stay in bed for a few more weeks but she was feeling better and ready to get home and see her son who she had missed so much.

Adrian and Ben were at Amy and Ricky's apartment getting everything ready for them to return home. They had thrown all the food out in the freezer and fridge as it had all gone bad. They had cleaned all the bedding and clothing. Then they had cleaned the apartment. And finally they had made a nice lunch and hung a welcome home sign in in the living room. Adrian was tired but very happy. She had been feeling the need to nest and clean, organize, and prepare for the baby. So she used that and the more energy she was feeling now being in her second trimester. She took a deep breath. They were getting ready to tell their families later tonight at a family dinner at Ben's childhood home. She was nervous but excited to share her news with their families. Adrian checked the table and looked around. She was satisfied with everything. All of sudden she heard footsteps in the hall. Ben came out of the bathroom where he had just finished cleaning and walked over to the front door and opened it.

There stood Ricky with Amy in his arms as he had carried her up the stairs because of her broken leg. Ricky set Amy down and he balanced her by having her hold onto his shoulder wit her arms as they made their way into the apartment. Amy was shocked and surprised to see Adrian and Ben in her apartment and they had gone above and beyond to make her homecoming special.

"Hi Amy it is so good to see you out of the hospital." Adrian said and gave her a gentle hug.

"Yeah it is good to see you both too. Thank you so much for everything that you guys did it means so much to both of us." Amy said as she smiled at Adrian and then at Ben in gratitude.

"Your very welcome. We cleaned the entire place, bought groceries, and lunch is in the oven on warm and dinner is in the refridgerator. All you have to do is heat at 350 for fifteen minutes and eat and enjoy. Well we have to be going now we have an appoinment. But it is truly great to see you doing so well after all you have been through." Adrian said.

"Yeah we are glad to see you. Have a good night. Bye Amy, Bye Ricky." Ben said quickly and he and Adrian left the apartment and shut the door behind them.

Amy felt awkward as she didn't know how to act around them. She wasn't sure where they had stood with everything that had happened before the accident. But she was glad that they seemed to have put it behind them and she told herself she had too and she promised herself to not keeping making stupid choices or decisions. Ricky then helped Amy over to the couch and helped her sit down. Then he took a seat next to her.

"How are you doing?" Ricky asked with worry in his voice as she was so quiet.

"I am good. It is just alot to take in. I mean after everything that happened. But I was glad that they were here after everything that happened. It was nice to see them after all that time. I just think I want to sleep for a while." Amy said. Then Ricky got up and helped her lay on the sofa and got her a pillow and blanket.

"Do you need anything else?" Ricky asked her.

"No this is good thank you." Amy said as she stroked his hand.

"Your welcome. I am going to get your bag and crutches from the car. Try to rest and get some sleep. Your dad is planning a big party to welcome you home tomorrow night. He has invited a lot of people so you will need your rest. I love you sweetheart. I am glad you are home." Ricky said as he leaned in for a gentle but sweet kiss. Then they parted and Ricky left the apartment to fetch the rest of the items. Meanwhile Amy started to cry and cry. Her homecoming had been good but very sad at the realization that her life felt like it was falling apart and there was nothing that she could do about it. She knew her mother wasn't waiting for her and she wasn't coming back to see her. She was gone from this world and from her life for good and that was a hard realization for Amy to take. So she was happy she really was but at the same time he heart was breaking into tiny pieces. She pulled the blanket over her head and quietly sobbed until sleep finally overcame her

Later that night Ben and Adrian drove to Ben's childhood home. They parked the car and then they both went inside. Adrian's parents Cindy and Ruben were already there. They were all seated waiting for Ben and Adrian to arrive. They walked into the dining room hand in hand. Then Ben pulled the chair out for Adrian and she took her seat and then Ben took his next to her.

"Hi mom, dad, Leo, Camielle. How is everyone doing?" Adrian asked.

Everyone said hello and said they were good. "Well?" Ruben asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah what is the big news that couldn't wait?" Cindy asked also. While Leo and Camille ate their dinner quietly knowing that when Ben and Adrian were ready they would say what they wanted to and only at that point would they.

"Why don't you tell them honey?" Adrian said as she put her hand into Ben's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Adrian and I have gotten back together..." Ben said with a smile.

"Yeah we all know that. Was there something else you wanted to say?" Ruben asked agian.

"Yes there is. Adrian and I are going to have a baby!" Ben finally said with joy in his voice.

Everyone got real quiet and they all looked stunned at the news. No one said anything for several more moments as they all processed what Ben has just said to them. Finally Camielle broke the silence. "That's wonderful Adrian and Ben. I couldn't be more happy for you both. So when are you due Adrian?" Camielle asked.

"Um at the end of August. I just entered the second trimester. I know that this is a shock. And I am sure a bit of a dissapointment, but we are both really happy about this news and we hope that after the shock wears off you all will be for us too." Adrian said with a smile on her face.

Cindy got up and hugged her daughter and then Ben too. "I am happy. I mean I am just shocked at the news. Nothing sounds so sweet as a new baby in the family. I love you Adrian and you too Ben. I hope you all the happiness." Cindy said and sat back down next to Ruben.

Ruben followed suit and got up and hugged his daughter and son-in-law. He was very happy for them. Timing not so great but after the past year and everything that they had been through good news was welcome even though it was a huge shock. "That's great. We are all happy for you."

Leo then stood up and raised his glass. "This calls for a toast. To Adrian and Ben and our new grandchild. Cheers." Leo said with a smile across his face. And then everyone clanked their water glasses and took a sip.

"I am happy for you son. And you too Adrian. It does my heart good to see you too together and happy again after all the hell everyone has been in. We are here for you if there is anything that we can do let us know." Leo said as his heart filled with joy and happiness. Finally some good news was coming their families' way after all of the heartbreak and sadness that they had endured recently. This moment seemed to be a new beginning for all of them.

They all ate their dinner and talked about the baby, and Ben's plans for his graduation and his college plans for the fall. It felt great to have both of their families together and enjoying a family dinner together after getting good news. Adrian made a note to try to continue the tradition for years to come if she had anything to say about it. Adrian smiled over at Ben and then she leaned in and gave Ben a huge kiss and then she squeezed his hand and then she finished her dinner and enjoyed the chatter of conversation all around her.

After dinner Ben and Adrian all said goodbye and made the short drive home to their condo. Then when they got there Ben grabbed Adrian close to him and kissed her and he took off her jacket and then her shirt. And then slowly they made their way into their bedroom and closed their bedroom door and enjoyed a sweet night of lovemaking and holding one another after a great day full of wonderful memories and new beginnings for their family. 


	13. Happy News, Almost For Everyone

The next day everyone arrived at George's house for a outdoor barbeque to welcome Amy home. George had gone all out and had bought some of Amy's favorite foods as well as several other items that his guests would enjoy. He had invited a ton of people as well. He invited Adrian, Ben, Jack who was home from college on break, Grace, Lauren, Henry, Alice, Ethan, Griffin, Grant, Toby, Cindy and Ruben, Leo and Camielle, Donovan, Leon and their kids, Margaret and Shakur, and Nora, Emmett Levy, Anne's stepfather, and who ever else they wanted to bring. The backyard was filled with a ton of people and it was packed. Their cars lined up and down the streets.

Adrian and Ben had just pulled up in front of Amy's house just a little before Amy and Ricky were coming over. Adrian put the car in park and then rolled up the windows and put the top back over her mustang. Then she and Ben got out of the car and she locked the doors. Then Ben held out his hand and Adrian put her hand in his and they walked hand in hand into the back yard. There were a ton of people all talking and enjoying drinks and appetizers before the dinner would be done. Adrian spotted Grace and Jack who seemed awful cozy over by one of the cocktails. Jack had his arm around Grace as they were talking to some of his college buddies from his football team. Grace was almost glowing with happiness. Adrian saw Grace look over at her and she gave her a thumbs up. Grace blushed and waved over to them to join in the group. Adrian waved her off and mouthed five minutes. Grace shook her head as she understood and went back to what Jack was saying.

"Have I told you how happy I am to be with you here tonight? Because if I haven't I am. To think that I almost threw this away for a chance at something better. Nothing gets better than this." Adrian said and then Ben leaned in and put his hands on her back and pulled her close for a deep passionate kiss between them. They parted out of breath.

"I knew but it is still nice to hear. And I love you very much. Why don't we go over by Grace before she has a panic attack waiting for us." Ben said with a bit of a chuckle.

"I just mouthed to her we would be over in five minutes." Adrian said and turned to look at Grace once more who was trying to get them to come over repeatedly.

"Alright but it is obvious she really wants us to go over by them so lets." Ben said as he held out his arm for her to take.

Adrian took his arm and then they walked over slowly to where Grace and Jack along with several other people were all seated and standing. Adrian looked around as they walked over to the back of the yard. The stone wall had been covered in dozens of white lights, and there were picnic tables spread throughout the yard. And there were decorations of candles, bottles of sand, and finally white orchids in vases on the tables. It was quite a beautiful site. Adrian felt so happy to be here and connecting with old friends and family members. She felt so lucky to be given a second chance to live her life with Ben and she was thankful everyday for that chance. Finally they took a seat on the picnic table across from Grace and Jack.

As soon as Adrian sat down Grace got up from her seat and went over to Adrian and engulfed her in a big hug. Adrian hugged her back. It had been a while since they had hung out. She was glad that she was here and hoped they would get a few minutes to talk and catch up. She especially wanted to ask Grace about her and Jack and see what was going on there. So after Grace took her seat she started talking to her as quiet as possilble.

"Hey Adrian it had been way too long since I have talk to you or seen you. How have you been? Are you and Ben doing good?" Grace asked in her friendly tone that she always seemed to have.

"Yeah we are doing great. We couldn't be more happy. How about you and Jack you two look very cozy when Ben and I first walked in? How is that going?" Adrian asked quietly.

"Well actually Jack and I have been seeing alot of each other since the fall. We got back together and have been really happy. He even proposed back in January right before Amy's accident. And this past week we eloped and got married!" Grace said in a very happy tone of voice. Then Jack turned toward her and she kissed him deeply.

"Is that why you were trying to get us to come over here when we first came over? I am very happy for you both. That is great. I hope you all the happiness." Adrian said as she gave Grace a hug and then took her seat next to her husband again.

"So do you have anything new in your life besides getting back together and being one of the happiest people?" Grace asked sensing a change in Adrian.

"Actually we do. Ben and I are going to have a baby late this summer." Adrian said as she held onto Ben's hand. He looked happy and relaxed as everyone overhearing turned and started giving their congragulations.

"Here Here." Grace yelled into the crowd and everyone gathered around them. "Cheers to Adrian and Ben who are expecting a new baby this summer. We all wish them the best and are very happy for them!" Grace said with a huge smile as she toasted to them. And everyone also did the same.

Just at that moment Ricky and Amy walked in and overheard the toast. Amy was on her crutches and she turned around and went into her family home followed close by Ricky. No one seemed to notice their presence except Adrian had. Adrian figured she would give them a few minutes to talk. And maybe she just needed to rest for a bit before she saw all of the people here in her honor.

"Amy what's wrong sweetheart?" Ricky asked with concern as she sat down at the kitchen table. Ricky took a seat next to her. He put his hand on hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"This is so hard for me Ricky. Seeing so many people who have gone on with their lives since the accident. They are all so happy and content in their own lives and that's great. But it is really hard for me because I feel like I am still bleeding inside and I can't make it stop. My heart hurts from the loss of my mother and I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I am strong enough to." Amy said in fear. And Ricky could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.

"I know but I am here and all of those people are here for you Amy. They are all just glad that you came through and are home and on the road to recovery. We are all cheering you on babe. We all just want you to be happy and have a good life. I just want you in my life always and I never ever want to go through anything like that again. It hurt me really bad to see you like that. I love you so much and you have become such a part of my life that I couldn't accept that you might not come back and I am so glad that you did. Can you try to go out there and enjoy the party for me?" Ricky said and he pulled Amy close and gave her a deep kiss.

'I will try but if it gets to be too much I wanna leave ok?" Amy said quietly.

"Yeah that will be fine. I love you honey." Ricky said.

"I love you too." Amy said with a small smile.

They got up and went back outside and joined the rest of the party. Amy did fine with everyone. She wasn't the total center of attention she almost blended into the background but she didn't seem unhappy about that at all. She just paid enough attention to what people were saying and asked her. But she never really had the fire light up inside of her that Ricky had seen before in the past. But she had been through alot in the last few months so he figured at first it was nothing to worry about and if there was he figured he would worry down the road but not now. She ate dinner, talked with Adrian, Grace, Jack, Ben, and Ashley and Toby. She even smiled a few times throughout the night. But still as Ricky sat and watched her near her dad as he was telling Cindy and Ruben how happy that Amy wasn't taken too. Ricky could tell how hesitant, how sad, how far away Amy was from all of this and even from him. It worried him alot but he tried to push the nagging feeling aside and just watch the woman he love alive and healthy. And that was all that mattered that she was alive and she was here with him everything else would get sorted out in its own time or so he hoped but he vowed he would do whatever it took to make her happy and help her get back to her old self if she could. 


	14. A Life Falling Apart Before Our Eyes

The weeks passed by after Amy had come home. Ricky had hoped that life would get back to normal. Amy was almost entirely healed physically. Her leg was out of a cast and she could walk on it now and her body was almost healed as well. But the emotional scars that haunted Amy made normal life impossible. She had horrible nightmares that would wake him as she screamed in agony and horror. And all he could do was sit and try to comfort her. Amy isolated herself from almost everyone. She was happy when John was around and she was almost her self like before the accident but as soon as John went to daycare or was asleep she slipped back into a very sad and depressed person. Adrian had tried to see her several times. But Amy had only seen her one other time and Adrian had just begun to show with her pregnancy and Amy only felt sadder at seeing that. It only reminded her of the special relationship between mother and child. A relationship that she no longer had in her life anymore. Ricky had also tried everything he could think of to cheer her up and reach her. He was out of options and he knew he had to get her some real help before she slipped so far that no one could help her find her way back from the darkness. So Ricky made a call to Dr. Fields in desperation.

"Dr. it's Ricky. I was wondering if you do me a huge favor and see my fiancee'. She was in a really bad car accident a few months ago. Her mother died in the accident and it left Amy my in a coma for weeks after. She is physically doing well. But she is very depressed. She hardly ever gets out of bed. She won't see anyone unless it's close family and even then she mostly just stares at the wall with the saddest eyes. I have tried to talk to her about what happened but she is very closed off about that idea. She cried herself to sleep half the time and the other half she is plagued by horrible nightmares that cause her to scream out loud. It frightens me to see her like this. I would really appreciate it if you could find time to see her and talk to her." Ricky said.

"Yeah, I actually could even see her today. I have a free hour between three and four. If you want I can put you guys down for then." Dr. Fields said.

"Yes, I would be extremely grateful for that. Thank you and we will see you at three today." Ricky said and then hung up the phone.

A few minutes Amy returned home with John and the groceries she had gone out to get. She felt so tired and she just wanted to go to bed. But she didn't want to worry Ricky any further or make John feel like something was wrong. So Amy put the items they bought away and put a pizza in the oven for dinner as she felt to tired to try to cook and she didn't want to bother Ricky further. He was on edge all the time. He was always asking her to talk to him about what happened and asking if she was alright. But the more he asked the further she felt like she sank and wasn't ok.

"Amy I want you to come with me to my appointment with Dr. Fields today. I really need you to be there with me." Ricky said hoping she would just agree to go and not give an excuse of one thing or another.

"Um sure I guess I can do that. But who is going to watch John then?" Amy asked hoping Ricky would change his mind and say she could stay with John instead of going with him to the appointment.

"My mom said she would. She has the day off and said she hasn't seen him in ages and would love to spend some time with him. So I said that would be fine with us if she didn't mind and she didn't. So it works out perfectly.

"Yeah I guess it does." Amy said and felt like she wanted to run anywhere else then a doctor's office.

Later that afternoon after they dropped off John, Amy and Ricky were seated on the large sofa in Dr. Fields office. Amy felt very nervous as if she was on trial. But ever since she had gotten home her life had felt like it was in tatters and she couldn't seem to bring the tatters back together after everything that had happened to shred them to tiny pieces. But still she gave Dr. Fields a smile and she kept telling herself in her mind that she was good and that she could do this. But deep inside she felt like she might panic and want to run away.

"So how have you been Ricky? Everything going well?" Dr. Fields asked knowing the true purpose for the visit.

"I am good. But I am worried about Amy." Ricky said as she turned and looked at the woman he loved. She had turned white as a sheet. She never expected him to talk about her. She figured it was something to do with his childhood or his own life, not hers.

"Why is that Ricky?" Dr. Fields asked him after a few seconds had passed by.

"Because she is distant, and she cries all the time. She has horrible nighmares and wakes me up with her horrible screams. She hardly ever goes out and she mostly sleeps the days away. I love you Amy but I know you need help honey. This was a horrible thing that happened to you and to your family. But we still need you Amy. John and I are your family too and we need you to be there and be a part of your life and ours too. I beg you to talk to Dr. Fields and tell him everything that your feeling. He can help you make sense of everything going on instead of you bottling it up inside. That isn't good either. One day you are just going to burst and let it all out. And I want to save you that horrible future that will come to pass at that moment in time." Ricky said with worry and pain in his voice.

"How does that make you feel Amy?" Dr. Fields asked her.

"It makes me very sad because he is right. I am distant, sad, hurt, angry, and I feel like I am no longer the person that I had been before all of this happened. I blame myself for my mom's death because I was the one driving. I have horrible nightmares of those moments those moments that haunt me day and night. I don't like to go out, or see people as they are a painful reminder that my mother is no longer here in this world or in my life. I feel like I am sinking as far as I possibly can. I don't want to but I feel like it is out of my control. I have tried to get out of bed and put a smile on my face and have hope for the future but as soon as I get out my front door the pain hits me so hard that I feel like that shield I put up just crumbles. I want to be there for my family and for my son but I feel like I am just in the way most of the time. And I know John knows that I am different. He is a smart kid and he can tell mommy is sad all the time. Sometimes the pain gets so bad that I just want it all to end. But then I know that it would only hurt everyone else. But I cannot say that I haven't thought about it alot and sometimes even contemplated what life would be for everyone if I did it." Amy said and felt her tears flooding down her face. She looked over at Ricky and could see the pain in his eyes as she said her feelings and thought out loud for the first time to anyone.

"Why do you think you feel that way?" Dr. Fields said.

"Because I lost my mom and nothing anyone says or does will never make it alright. It is a horrible loss that rocks your whole life around and leaves you breathless. My mom was a great person and did not deserve this. My family had been through enough and my mom's death only brings it even harder for all of us. I just want to stay in bed and let life pass me by and I know it will whether I am a part of it or not. It is so hard to be among the living and to know that she never will be again. Her life is over, finished. And there is something just so cruel about a life cut way too short. I know that Adrian and Ben have suffered unspeakable pain after their daughter passed away. That pain is so terrible. It grabs you and sucks out all the happiness from it. And I just feel like there is really no point to this life anymore without her here. And I am lost, it is like someone came into my life and tore my mother from my heart. And my heart was left raw and bleeding from that part torn away. And maybe it will heal and things will get better perhaps one day, but it will leave a scar on me always. "  
>Amy said as she continued to cry and cry as she spoke. Ricky put his hand around hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.<p>

"Amy I know you are hurting. I believe listening to you and seeing you that you are suffering from survivor's guilt because your mother died and you were chosen to live. I also believe from the aftermath of the tragic accident you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder along with depression from everything you are going through. I strongly recommend that you start on a antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. And that you continue to do therapy. I think it would really benefit you alot if you agree?" Dr. Fields asked.

"Yeah. I know that I need help because I cannot find my place in this world or the meaning to my life without help. And I am glad that I came even though I didn't want too. Thanks for listening to me." Amy said as she looked at Ricky with a weak smile.

"Acceptance is the first step. So why don't you keep talking for the rest of the time we have left." Dr. Fields said.

So Amy spent the rest of the hour holding Ricky's hand and talking about everything that she was feeling, thinking, hoping, dreaming, fearing, and wanting out of life. Ricky squeezed her hand several times to encourage her to continue talking. Amy felt better like someone had lifted the ton of bricks that had been waying down on her all of this time and she could finally breathe again after a long time. Amy felt like maybe she really had a shot at living a happy life again. 


	15. Looking From the Past to the Future

Adrian laid in bed and had her hand on the swell of her tummy. She was now in her sixteenth week. She was feeling good, no more morning sickness and she had more energy in her second trimester. She rested her hand on top of her belly and she could feel the life within moving. It felt different but yet reassuring at the same time. It allowed Adrian to know that the baby was growing and alive when they moved and that gave her peace of mind. Ben came into their bedroom and laid down next to Adrian and put his hand on top of Adrian's. He could feel the baby kicking and moving underneath. It amazed him with Mercy and now with their second child coming soon. Ben then laid his head down and looked over at Adrian's deep brown and loving eyes. She gave him a smile and then leaned over and kissed him. He returned the kiss and then they parted after a few moments.

"That was really nice Ben. I cannot believe the baby is growing so fast. I cannot wait to hold them and love them. I just want everything to be okay this time around. I don't think my heart can take another time of that. But like you said I have to believe that it will be good and not bad this time around." Adrian said as she intertwined her hand with Ben's. And she squeezed his hand tighly and sat there staring into his eyes. She could see the love and hope for a good future for all of them and it made Adrian want for the same as he did.

"Yeah. I do believe that. So how are Jack and Grace enjoying married life the last few weeks?" Ben asked his wife.

"Oh she is on cloud nine. She is totally happy. It's like she knows that this time it is for real and they will be able to weather everything that comes there way. I only that we always think that and are together no matter what happens. Because I do love you Ben so much. I have loved others but not the same way that I love you. You fill my heart and soul that when we were apart I felt like I was broken and couldn't find my way. I never want to feel like that again, ever." Adrian said with a few tears in her eyes, but she wiped them away with her other hand and then stared at Ben once again with love in her eyes.

"I do love you too Adrian, with all my heart and I always will. Your it for me no matter what. I was also searching for something after we broke up. It was like I went looking for you in other people, other things, other places, and none of it made the pain or the loss of you from my life any easier. One night when I couldn't sleep I looked at our wedding pictures for hours. We were so happy, so carefree, so unware of what was to come for us. And I felt so sad not to be with you anymore. I thought in order to heal and be myself I had to be apart from you. How stupid I was. I loved you and I could see you were hurting and so was I. I think it scared me because Mercy was the ties that brought us together and I always thought would. I thought when she died that went with her. But I now realized that before Mercy was even conceived there was always a connection between us. I love you Adrian. And I hope you know that I am here for you always." Ben said with a few stray tears in his eyes. Then he leaned in and once again kissed his wife with deep passion.

"I do Ben. I knew that you would always love me. I just thought it was a matter of living with me. But I am glad you gave me a second chance and you forgave me. I love you for your wonderful heart and your caring personality. It is two of the things I love most about you. Speaking of which are you worried about Amy as I am? She has been so distant and she seems like she has lost all hope. I have NEVER seen her like that. But she has been through alot in the last few months. I just with her all the best and if her future lies with Ricky still I wish them all the happiness." Adrian said as Ben pulled her closer and held onto her with his arms wrapped around her.

"Yeah a little. Ricky said she had been going to Dr. Fields once a week and that helps. And she is on some new medicines but it could take a few months for them to work. But Ricky says she is doing more now. She is getting out and is spending time together as a family. So that's good. I just hope that she continues to do well. She doesn't need any more bad things going on in her life. Anyway I am supposed to ask you if you wouldn't mind if Camielle host your baby shower at my dad's house?" Ben asked remembering just then.

"That would be great. I want to make sure that she invites who I want though and have a little imput. But I would be extremely grateful to her if she did. I will have to give her a call and talk about the details. That was very nice of her." Adrian said.

"Yes it was. I love ya." Ben said and he put his own hand on the side of her face and kissed her over and over again. Adrian deepend the kisses. And they spend a great time together as one for the first time in the last few weeks. And afterwards they held onto one another as they both drifted off into sleep. And it was a deep peaceful sleep of joy and contentment. They dreamed of their future and the new baby.  
>Amy still feeling very sad decided to write a journal to put her thoughts down. She hoped it would be another outlet to get them out besides her counceling sessions with Dr. Fields which were helping alot. So Amy sat down at the kitchen table with a pen and a piece of paper. She pondered for several minutes and finally she put the pen down to the paper and she began to write.<p>

I thought that life would turn out differently, but it has changed so much from what I thought it would be. First of all my mother is no longer here and part of not only my life but Ashley, Robbies, John, and my dads anymore. The death has changed us all so much. Except I am literally falling apart. I am better now that I was a few weeks ago but still not great. But I am hoping with time for my meds, counceling, and finding the joy in life again will help in the long run. I don't expect life to be what it was before. I now that is impossible no matter how much I might want for it. Ricky has been wonderful through this whole thing. I feel bad that he is stuck with this sorry person for his future intended wife. I hope to become at least some of the person I was before. Someone my son can be proud of and love. Life has its great moments and it has its tragic moments too. I have seen very sad moments in my life and others lives. Adrian and Ben suffered an unspeakable loss when they lost their daughter. I don't believe I could survive such a devastating loss of one you love so much. I only hope that as they expect their second child they have found happiness and a great life together again. I just want everyone to be happy. Maybe that is considered a unreasonable expectation. But that is how I feel. I have had too much sadness this past year with watching my grandmother slowly waste away and then seeing my mom alive one second and gone in the second. Life is so fragile and I know that we are lucky for every second that we are given breath is a moment to treasure and be thankful because we never know when the last breath might come and I don't want to have any regrets when mine comes around. I hope that I won't have any and I am going to try my best that I don't. I don't want to taken anyone or anything for granted in my life ever again. Anyway until next time.

Amy got up and put the paper away with her school books. Which reminded her of all the school she had missed already. But she knew that she was on track with all the classes she had taken up by Mimzy's house over the last semester. So she told herself not to worry about it. Then Amy sat down and pulled out a family album that she had kept since she was in middle school. She opened to the first picture. It was one of Mimzy, her mom, and her mom was holding Amy when she was a baby. They looked so happy and carefree of what was to come. The second picture was of her dad, her mom and Amy when she was about a year. Again all of them happy and united as a family. The next one was of Anne, George, Amy at a little older and newborn Ashley in her mother's arms. Then it was her and her mom at the park while Anne pushed Amy when she was five on the swings. The next was of Ashley and Amy when they were ten and eight. She missed that sweet fun relationship with Ashley. It had turned into something different. She vowed to make things better between them if she could. And another of their family with George, Anne, Ashley, and Amy taken just a month before Amy left for band camp and her life would change so much. Then there were pictures of her pregnant next to her mom and one with Ashley. Then there was a picture of Amy holding John in the hospital. Then one with Ricky holding him. And then a group picture of Anne, Ashley, George, Ben, Leo, Ricky, Amy, and John. And there were various pictures of John's first year with her and the one she took on his first birthday. And then you could tell again her life had changed. All of a sudden there are pictures of Amy, John, and Ricky from the past year. Some at their apartment, some at the park, some in Amy's childhood home and backyard. One on the night they got engaged after graduation. Ricky was holding Amy's hand up so they could see her engagement ring and he had the biggest smile on his face. And Amy saw that she was totally happy again oblivious of what would come. The last one was taken right before they left for their trip to come back home right after Mimzy's funeral. Ricky, Amy, John, and Anne had all posed in front of the beach by Anne's condo. It was a beautiful picture. Amy had only remembered about the picture and had it developed. She would hold it dear as it was the last documented picture of her mother's life. Amy then closed the album and held it close to her heart and began to sob.

Ricky having heard her cry came into the living room and he sat on the sofa next to Amy and put his arms around her and pulled her in by his chest and cradled her there. She continued to sob for several minutes until she finally wiped away her tears. Then he put his hand under her chin and pulled her head up so she could look into her eyes. He could see the pain, the sadness, but he also saw healing and that made him more relieved. He kissed her forehead.

"I love you sweetheart so much. I am very sorry that this has been so hard for you." Ricky said quietly.

"Ricky?" Amy said after a few minutes of silence between them.

"Yeah?" He answered her.

"What would you think of getting married this May the tenth? My mom and I were talking about it right before the accident and having it in a park that is gorgeous that we used to go to when I was little with my family? I really want to do this now." Amy said with determination. Although Ricky thought perhaps it might be to soon.

"Amy I don't know. Your just getting your life back on track. Maybe after the summer in the fall. Would you like that instead?" Ricky asked her softly.

"I just want you to seriously think about it Ricky. It would mean so much to me if we did. I don't want you to think about me and everything going on in our lives. I just want you to think about how we feel about each other and how much we both want to spend our lives together. And if you feel as i do then the timing shouldn't matter. Just promise me you will think about it?" Amy asked as she looked into his eyes.

"I promise." Ricky said as he began to think long and hard about what she had asked.


	16. Finally, Coming All Together?

Adrian was now entering her twentieth week of pregnancy. Ben was driving with Adrian to the doctors appointment. Both of them excited and nervous to find out the gender of their baby. Adrian put her hand to her extended stomach and patted her belly as the baby kicked her repeatedly. It was as if the baby knew they were about to be on screen soon for their big unveil. Adrian put her hand to where the baby kicked and loved feeling the baby moving all the time. She loved carry this child so much. It was wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. But she still loved this baby so much as did Ben. Ben then reached over and put his hand in Adrian's and gave it a gentle squeeze and then he gave her a smile. Their happiness overflowing. They hoped that they would always be as happy as they were right then and there.  
>"Are you excited to find out today, sweetie?" Ben asked her and pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.<p>"Yeah I am. I know you are too. And with the baby shower tomorrow, and then Grace and Jack's wedding reception tomorrow, and Amy and Ricky's wedding shower two days later it is going to be a very busy week. But I am happy to just share this news between us for a while. I just don't know if I am up for all of this going on this week." Adrian said as she felt overwhelmed with everything going on. She never thought it would be so busy but Amy and Ricky were getting married in three weeks from now and Grace and Jack didn't realize that they had scheduled their party the same week as Adrian's baby shower and Ricky and Amy's wedding shower. While Amy and Ricky had offered to move it up or back it up all together Adrian had insisted that they kept their original date. She knew when you started putting things off they tended to never get done. But life would be hectic and happy but as long as it was just this one week.<p>

"I guess. Are you sure your up for this Adrian? Because I don't want you pushing yourself and overdoing it. You and our baby are the most important and I know you want to be there for everyone else just remember if you find yourself tired we won't go ok?" Ben said with concern in his voice.

"Of course. I won't take any chances, but I think I will be okay. I am feeling good and the baby is doing good too. I promise I will be sensible." Adrian said.

"I know you will. I just love you both so much." Ben said as he pulled into the parking spot in front of the clinic.

"I know. I love you too. Are you ready for the big news?" Adrian said with joy and excitement in her voice. And as if to answer her he leaned in and kissed her deeply. Then he got out of the car and opened the door for her and they walked into the office together.

"Hi I am Adrian Boykewich and I have a 11 o'clock appointment today." Adrian said as she pulled out her information and handed it to the receptionist.

"Alright your all checked in Mrs. Boykewich. If you would both have a seat in the waiting room the nurse will be with you shortly." the receptionist said as she handed Adrian her information and Adrian put it back in her purse and then she and Ben sat down in the waiting room on a sofa.

"I can't hardly sit still waiting for us to go back. I just wish they would hurry up already." Ben said as he held onto Adrian's hand nervously. Adrian leaned over and put her hand to his cheek and kissed him deeply. That got his attention and he forgot his nerves for a second.

"Baby, good things come to those that wait. We have waited all this time a few more minutes won't make much difference. I love you. Thank you for being with me and supporting me." Adrian said as she caressed his hand.

"I love you too. I just don't do well waiting I guess. And your welcome. I wouldn't want it any other way." Ben said as he gave her slight smile even though Adrian could still tell he was extremely nervous.

"Adrian Boykewich?" the nurse asked and they stood up and followed her back. After a few routine questions and getting Adrian's vitals. The nurse had Adrian lay back and pulled back her white t-shirt. Then she got the monitor all set up and then Dr. Andrews walked in. She was still taking care of Adrian as her regular doctor had family obligations. She walked over to Adrian and Ben.

"Hi Adrian, Hi Ben. It is nice to see you both again. Shall we see how your baby is doing and see if we can tell you what this little one is if they allow us to." Dr. Andrews said. Then Dr. Andrews put some goop on Adrian's belly and she began to run the ultrasound doppler over Adrian's tummy. And the baby came into view on the 3D ultrasound. Adrian and Ben gasped as they saw their baby. Ben reached for Adrian's hand and she took it in her own. Dr. Andrews continued to check over the baby and at one point listened to the heart beat which filled the room once again with a strong and steady beat.

"Alright the baby is in perfect position to tell the sex. Would you both still like to know?" Dr. Andrews said and both Adrian and Ben nodded their heads yes. Dr. Andrews looked for another minute or two and then she turned back to Ben and Adrian.

"Well if you see right here you can see that your both expecting a little boy. Congragulations!" Dr. Andrews said as she pointed to the screen. Then Dr. Andrews finished the exam and then put the doppler away and cleaned off Adrian's belly. Then Ben helped her sit up and then he hugged her with joy and happiness. She felt the same way too.

"Well here are some pictures of little guy. I will see you back in a few weeks. Take care and if you don't have any further questions I will be going." Dr. Andrews said.

"No. Thank you so much Dr. Andrews this means so much to us. You have no idea." Adrian said as she shook the doctor's hand. Ben also thanked her and shook her hand repeatedly.

"I can imagine. Well see you both soon. Enjoy this wonderful news." Dr. Andrews said and left the examining room.

Then Ben and Adrian embraced and held one another for several minutes and kissed and cried, and laughed all at the same time. "I can hardly believe we are having a little boy. I think that's so wonderful. I love you so much. Thank you for giving me our daughter and now our son. I hope you know how much it means to me. I can never tell you exactly how I feel because there are no words for it. But it fills my heart and life with great joy and happiness." Adrian said as she kissed him once more.

"I think I do because I feel the same way about you. Thank you for giving me our children as well. I love you and I will share this dance of our lives with you always. Now lets go celebrate this good news." Ben said and he and Adrian made there way out of the clinic and out the car and then they drove off to share a good meal and enjoy their good fortune and news about their baby.

Amy sat at her apartment with her sister Ashley, while Ricky had taken John out to the park for a few hours while she finished up some wedding plans with Ashley. Amy had booked the park, the reception was being held in the park as well. There was a large platform area where they had a large music concert every year. It was big enough for the several tables for dinner to be set up. And they had hired a temporary dancing floor to be assembled on the grass near the platform where dinner would be. Amy had choosen Ashley as her maid of honor. And Ricky had chosen his father Shakur as he had been a good man in Ricky's life. John was going to be the ringbearer. Amy had chosen to wear her mother's dress on her wedding day. It was a beautiful strapless gown, with antique lace and several pearls and intricate beading on the bodice of the gown. While Ricky had opted for a simple black suit. George would give Amy away. It was going to be a small wedding with fifty to seventy or so people. And that was ok with Amy. She was just happy to be marrying Ricky and for the first time in months she felt truly and genuinly happy. And she seemed to be making peace on all fronts of her life.

"So are you ready for this in three short weeks to be a married woman at he age of eighteen? Cause if you say so I will rush you out of town as fast as I can." Ashley asked unsure of the hold wedding being so rushed.

"Yes. I love Ricky and I truly believe that this is good Ashley. Life is too short, I know that all to well with the past year we have had. I know everyone says your young and you have the rest of your life, but what if we don't Ashley? I mean I could die in the next second from all different factors. Maybe they think I am crazy but I don't care and I know what I want and I don't want to waste a single moment of the time I have left in this life. Ok?" Amy said with deep emotion in her voice.

"Ok. I get it. I will do whatever you want me to do." Ashley finally said but still unsure how this wedding would play out. 


	17. A Baby Shower Celebration

Leo Boykewich's house had been turned from a nice yard to a beautiful haunting garden like from the fairy tales. The kind that is gorgeous, but mystical, and secretive all at the same time. Camielle had planned everything with a little help from Adrian and Cindy too. But most of the responsibility fell to Camielle. And when Adrian arrived early she had been taken back at the breathtaking back yard garden party. It was covered in white roses, tulips, carnations. White tables and chairs were covered with beautiful half pink and half blue table clothes. And the center pieces were white blossum trees that had pacifiers, baby toys, and bottles hung from them. Adrian had felt so happy that she had wanted to cry, but she choked them back instead and prepared to receive guests soon.

Adrian sat in the center of the large garden at Leo's house. Adrian was surrounded by several family and friends who had all come together to celebrate her baby shower. Camielle had outdone herself. There were several flowers all around the garden and she had arranged a nice lunch, games, and snacks for the shower. Adrian was extremely grateful that she took the time to put her heart into this beautiful time and place. Adrian was surrounded by Grace and Jack on one side and Ben on the other. Then next to Ben was Amy and Ricky. And then her mother Cindy and her father Ruben. Then Leo and Camille. Next Ashley, Toby, and Henry and Alice. Also several of the girls from Adrian's first baby shower and some of Adrian's new college girlfriends Alyssa, Blair, Mackenna, and Bailey. And several various friends and family members surrounded around them.

Adrian was hoping presents in front of everyone. Adrian had already opened several. From Leo and Camielle she received a crib, changing table, dresser, rocker, and cradle from Leo and Camille. From Adrian's parents Ruben and Cindy she was given a teddy bear bed set, mobile, and teddy bear that all matched along with several onesies, and outfits. From Jack and Grace she got a stroller and a carseat. From Amy and Ricky she got another car sear for Ben's car, a baby book, an essential baby care package with pacifiers, diapers, blankets, teethers, nail clippers, baby brush, bathtime items, etc. From Almice and Henry she got a bouncer seat and a swing. From Ashley and Toby she got a pack n play and a high chair. And she received several diapers, bottles, clothing, blankets, bibs, toys, and several various items. Adrian thanked everyone for their generosity.

Next everyone gathered on the large concrete patio to sit and chat as they all sat and ate a meal of salad, grilled chicken, steamed vegetables, and rice. Followed by cherry cheesecake for dessert. Adrian was glad Camille kept it look key meal. She had wanted to something more elaborate but Adrian was pleased with everyone just being there and enjoying their meal and company. Adrian was seated by Grace, Ben, Amy, Ricky, and Jack.

"So Adrian any news on what your having yet?" Grace said with joy and ubber excitement.

"Well we do, but we aren't announcing it until after lunch. So you can wait another hour or so." Adrian laughed as Grace gave her a bit of a pouty lip but then she turned and smiled at her.

"I think that Mercy would be proud of this. I like to think that she is somewhere up there today looking down on us and smiling. Or at least I hope she is. Because for the first time since she had left us I feel like she is really near. And I like that. It is a wonderful feeling." Ben said as he talked to Adrian.

"Yeah I do too. I only hope that she is happy and being looked after like we should have been able to if she would have lived. But I feel happy like life is finally going to be good and that our child is going to be healthy and have a happy life with us. Although none of that will have make me miss Mercy any less. But I feel like she is okay for the first time maybe since she died." Adrian said quietly.

"I agree." Ben said as he smiled at her.

Ben leaned over and squeezed Adrian's hand. " So are you having fun at our coed shower?" Adrian asked as she held her husband's hand. Ben chuckled a little at her question.

"Yeah it has been pretty fun. I am just glad that I am not the only guy here. That would have been awkward." Ben said as he started to laugh as he pictured himself sitting around like twenty women and he would have been the only guy there.

"Well I thank you for coming and supporting us. This was something I really wanted us to do together as couple and as a family. I just want us together for always. I love you so much. Thank you." Adrian said as she leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. Ben deepened the kiss between them. And finally the two of them pulled apart and took a deep breath. Then Ben put his head next to Adrian's. Then he leaned over and gently caressed her belly. Adrian put her hand on top of his and both of them just enjoyed the small and private moment just for them among the crowd of family and friends.

Amy sat as she watched Adrian and Ben from across the room. She could see the happiness, love, joy, and excitement exchanged between husband and wife. They were enjoying each other and special moment for their unborn child. Amy wanted that so much. Just the complete happiness and joyful feeling that they had. But she also knew that it took them months to get back to a good place after the loss of their baby. But they were back together despite everything that had happened to them they had fought through it and made it to a happier place in their lives. Then Amy felt a gentle hand touch her cheek and caress it. She turned and saw Ricky giving her a gentle stare and watching her closely as she took in everything that was unfolding before her. He knew that she was doing better but she still had her hard days too. Amy then ever so gently laid her head on Ricky's shoulder and they just froze like that for a few minutes until Amy sat up and then she stared up at Ricky and then gave him a gentle but passionate kiss all at the same time.

"Well! That was a nice surprise!" Ricky said as his face lit up.

"Yeah I figured you would think so. Are you ready to get married in three weeks time? Or do you think that we are still rushing?" Amy asked seriously.

"No not anymore. I was just afraid that you were running from the pain and that if we got married it would fix the problems in your life. But the truth would be that those problems are waiting right where you left them. Now that we have talked it over and made plans I am all ready. I have been waiting a year to marry you Ms. Juergens. And I will be very pleased when I can call you my wife. That will be one of the happiest moment's in my life. I love you so much and I really know how lucky I am to have you in my life and I am not taking any of it for granted ever again." Ricky said as he kissed her again on the lips and then he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"I knew there was a reason that I loved you Ricky. You bring out the best in me when I am healthy and emotionally stable. Life is worth so much more to me when you are there in it. I love you and John so much. Thank you for staying with me through all of this. I know it would have been easier to just walk away. But you really love me if you stayed around for all of that. I love you." Amy said with love in her eyes.

"I love you too honey. Always have and always will." Ricky said as his face lit up with happiness.

"I love you too." Amy said as she still held onto his hand.

Then Adrian and Ben stood up and they got everyone's attention by doing this. So all eyes were on them and the ball was in there court today. Ben wrapped one arm around Adrian and pulled her close to his side. Then they each raised their cider glasses up. "Adrian and I recently found out some wonderful news and we would like to share with you. Adrian and I found out that we are going to have a little boy this august! And we would like to thank you all for this wonderful and magnificent party to welcome the birth of our son. We are very happy about this news. Although nothing will ever take the place of our beloved Mercy in our lives, we are open to the wonderful gift of a new life that will join our family. So we would like to toast to our new baby boy and to our little girl Mercy may you rest in peace and never no pain or sadness." Ben said as he raised his glass to Adrians, Rickys, Amys, Jacks, and Graces.

"To the baby and to little Mercy! Cheers!" Grace said again. And everyone clanked glasses and took a few sips.

"I would also like to add my congrats to Jack and Grace who got married recently. I wish them all the kindess, happiness, and joy that their lives have to offer and may they always stay together and share their love always. To Jack and Grace Cheers!" Adrian said and again cheers went up all around.

And Adrian offered two more thanks, "Another thanks to Camielle and to my mom. This is the best baby shower anyone could have given me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. And finally but not lastly congrats to Amy and Ricky on their engagement and wedding within the next few weeks. May they know no more sadness and only joy in their lives. Congrats and Cheers to everyone. Thanks for coming." Adrian said and once more everyone cheered and enjoyed their cider.

A little while later they cut the cake. It was in the shape of baby blocks. It was beautiful. Everyone again sat down and enjoyed dessert. And then for another hour they played several games and everyone laughed and had a great time to celebrate the impending birth of a child not there but yet so loved amd wanted by so many different people. And for a moment it seemed that life was just right. 


	18. Coming Together to Celebrate A Marriage

The next day preparations for Jack and Grace's wedding reception was in full swing. They were having the party at a banquet hall. They were having a small party just thirty people or so for dinner, dancing, and just to celebrate the joining of their lives together. Later on that evening they all joined on the large deck of the hall. It was in the back and very private which was nice. The railings had soft white strands of garland and white lights lit up the deck. Then small candles and larger ones were lit on the various tables. And in between the candles small crystals of various color decorated the black and white table cloths. Grace wore a strapless short white dress with a black heal, while Jack wore a nice shirt and dress pants. They were casual but dressy at the same time. Grace and Jack had their hands held and were making their way to the several tables. Reverend Stone and Jack's mother were there along with Leo, Camielle, Cindy, Ruben, George, Kathleen, and Jeff. Also there were Ben, Adrian, Ricky, Amy, Ashley, Toby, Henry, Alice and several friends and family.

The married couple were happy and completey absorbed in one another. They had their arms wrapped around each other as they danced to a slow song. Grace held on tightly to her husband and she leaned up and kissed him a few times. She couldn't be more happier than she was right now. She loved Jack so much and she couldn't believe that they finally got it right and would be able to share the rest of their lives together forever.

"I love you Jack for always." Grace said with a huge smile on her face.

Jack cupped her face and pulled her close for a very deep and intimate kiss. A few people chuckled as they saw the happiness between them. "I love you too Gracie. I have always loved you. In the end it has always been you. And the day I lost you broke my heart, and the day I got you back it came back together. I love you till my last dying breath." Jack said as he looked deep into his wife's eyes and held her close as another slow song began to play.

"That was beautiful to say. It touched me and it made me love you even more if that's possible. I never ever want to lose you again. It makes me sad that we spent so much time apart. But we found each other again and I promise you that I will be with you for as long as my heart beats." Grace said and she kissed his hands and then they pulled each other closely and continued to dance.

Meanwhile Adrian and Ben were seated and decided to dance too. Ben stood up and reached his hand out to Adrian. She put her hand in his and he pulled her up to her feet. And then they slowly walked over to the rest of the couples dancing. Then Ben put his arms around Adrian and held her close. He could feel their son moving around inside Adrian. The feeling made him feel great. He looked at Adrian's beautiful brown eyes and then pulled her gently and close to him and they kissed deeply with love. And then Adrian laid her head on Ben's shoulder and they both danced closely and both were very happy for maybe the first time in forever it seemed.

"This is a beautiful place to celebrate for the union of Jack and Grace. I love that it is still and dark out there. It adds a bit of magic and it seems perfect for the two of them. I was so happy to hear that they got back together. I finally realized that Grace loved Jack for years. She was just scared and terrified of losing him. I am glad she opened her heart to love again she deserves to be happy. But so do we." Adrian said as Ben gave her a gentle swirl and then pulled her close to him again.

"Yes we do. We have had many losses this year but we have been truly blessed with wonderful news and friends and family. I am very glad to be among so much happiness instead of sadness for once." Ben said with a smile.

"I agree with you." Adrian said as she looked up at Ben and he shared his thoughts with her.

"Everything almost seems right with the world. And I never thought I would feel that way again but I am glad I do. I love you. I can't believe that we are having a baby boy! I can never tell you how much I love you. To think that we could be divorced and with others makes me very sad. I know that I hurt you even though I never meant too. It pains me to think that I did. I think I was so hurt by our loss that I didn't know where to go with that pain and I saw you were too. And it was hard to see you in so much pain Adrian. I think that was what I was running from. Because I felt like I had hurt you by creating this chapter in your life that ended so badly. It killed me inside Adrian. I knew I lashed out at you and said horrible things that day you cleaned out the nursery. I was trying to push you away and for a while you fought back and I think that your pain overcame you and you gave in to what you thought I wanted, what you thought I needed. The truth was I needed you Adrian. I always did and always will. And losing you almost killed me. I never knew I could hurt more besides losing our daughter. I love you and I want you and need you in my life." Ben said as tears formed in his eyes.

"Ben you never told me that before. Your right. I had hardly any strength to put up a fight. I tried but it took so much effort. I love you too. And I promise I won't let you go ever again. And I always needed you and wanted you too. Just hold me and lets just dance and enjoy the happy marriage of Jack and Grace.

Amy and Ricky joined them finally. And Ricky and Amy were laughing and he was twirling her and dipping her and she was laughing as a huge smile spread on Ricky's face and they seemed happier since Amy had been going to counceling and dealing with the loss of her mother and the pain along with it and their wedding coming in just under three weeks. And Amy hung onto Ricky's neck and then he spun her once more and she giggled with delight and happiness.

"It is good to hear you laugh again Amy. It has been so long. I think the last time that I saw you happy was the night that I proposed to you on my graduation night. It does my heart good to hear it. I love you sweetheart." Ricky said as he dipped her and kissed her passionately.

Then they parted and Ricky brought her back up to standing. "Wow! That was some kiss Ricky. It has been a long time since you kissed me like that. I like it and missed it. It feels good to laugh again too. It makes me happy to have been at Adrian and Ben's baby shower yesterday and Jack and Grace's reception tonight. I cannot wait to be your wife and spend the rest of our lives together not matter how long that may be. I want to weather the good and the bad with you and I want you there by my side like you have been until I leave this world and always until that moment. I love you Ricky. I never knew I could love one so much except for John. You have opened me up to love and new dreams. I love you." Amy said as she put her hands on the side of his head and pulled him close for a gentle, but firm and sweet kiss between each other.

"I love you too. And I cannot wait to marry you either. One day soon you will be my wife and then no one can take you away from me ever again." Ricky said as he began to twirl her around again and kissed her gently on the cheeks and finally on her forehead.

A while later everyone was gathered around the tables after dinner and everyone was holding their sparkling cidar and giving toasts to the bride and groom. Some made funny ones, and some made heartfelt ones, and some just offered their congrats. But some did alittle of all three. The whole time Grace and Jack had their arms around each other and pulled close together as they laughed, cried, and smiled as they heard the toasts being offered.

"Jack and Grace. You too have love each other, and you too have loved others as well. Love for you two has never been easy but you two didn't give up and you took the rough road. And in the end you found each other again and now you get to spend the rest of your lives together. And I for one along with everyone here tonight love you both and are very happy to share these very special moments with you. Congratulations and hold on to one another and be good to each other always. To Jack and Grace." Ben offered his toast.

"Grace you have been my dearest friend for the last few years. And I have seen you at your highest and at your lowest. And I know that you found your man. Because I know you and I know that no matter what you have always loved Jack and even when you gave your love to others none of those relationships worked because you can't give away love that you already gave to the one you love with all your heart. So I am happy for you and Jack and I hope you never know great sadness but only joy and just be kind and love each other know matter what comes your way. We love you too congrats." Adrian said with tears in her eyes. For a moments Grace hugged her tightly then let her go and joined next to Jack again.

"I can never thank you enough Grace. Without you I wouldn't have my son with me, I wouldn't be getting ready to graduate in a month or getting married. You helped me find my way back to a new path when my life dealt me with hard choices. I love you Grace for your kindness, sweetness, and overall being a good person. I know that you and Jack will be very happy together and I hope that you always love each other more than you do now. Congrats to you and to Jack." Amy said.

"Congrats to you and Jack, Grace. You both deserve all the happiness and joy that is given you together. Along with everyone else. Again Congragulations to Jack and to Grace." Ricky said as he and everyone else raised their glasses.

Then everyone got back on the dance floor and danced with their significant others and then just the girls, and then one big group dance. And finally several slow dances where everyone shared several wonderful dances with the ones that they loved and happiness was in the air and it was a magical and beautiful night that no one would soon forget. And everyone hoped that life would stay good for a longtime to come. 


	19. Always In My Heart

Amy stood in front of the floor length mirror in her mothers wedding dress. It fight her perfectly. Then she pulled her veil over her face. It was a beautiful fit with her mother's dress. And her hair was up in curls that were loose. She has just the bitest hint of blush, lipstick, coverup, and eyeshadow. Amy thought she looked beautiful but she still felt a bit of sadness. She knew she wished her mom had been here for this day. But she knew that she was in her thoughts and in her heart for then picked up her red and white roses bouquet. And she felt like a bride. Then Amy turned when she heard a knock and Amy said for them to come in. It was her dad.

"Wow Amy! You look so much like your mother. She would have been so proud and happy to see you on this special day in your life cause I know that I am. I love you sweetheart. You are such a beautiful bride. Hey I wanted to talk to you for just a moment before the ceremony. I found this at your mom's condo when we cleaned it out. If I may I would like to read it to you?" George said as he unfolded a piece of paper.

"Yes please that would be wonderful." Amy said as she was touched by her father's gesture.

"I sit here at my condo as I now know that my mother is dead and not coming back. The pain is so much and so overwhelming. I cannot imagine the pain that Amy, Ashley, and Robbie would be in when I go. I don't want to think about it. But in the pain I now realize even more now than ever that I love my kids and my family. They are the people that I am most proud of in my life. I never want to lose them or their love. I hold them close to my heart even now when they are not all here. My eldest Amy I am so proud of. She is going to be graduating this year and getting married and starting college. I love her so much. Amy had shown me that no matter what comes your way in life you can always overcome and enjoy the life that you have been given. She makes me laugh, and she makes me cry when I think how much that I love her. I hope that she is happy with her betrothed and they have a wonderful life together. They deserve nothing less. Life is too short to worry about this or that. Life is about the moments of joy and happiness that we share. It is about holding onto those precious to us and keeping them close to us in our lives. It is about picking up the pieces when either we or they have made mistakes. It is about the little times that we all make memories with each other... There is more but I will save that for Ashley on her big day and one day for Robbie too. You mother loved you Ames. She was so proud of you and she wants you to be happy. And so do I. So be happy Ames. Smile, live, and just hold onto us and we will hold onto you too. I love you honey. I will be back in a few minutes when we have to leave for the park." George said as he pulled her veil back and kissed her cheek and gave her a gentle but tight hug all at the same time.

"I love you daddy." Amy said as George turned and stared to leave.

"I love you too Ames." George said and then left the room.

Amy wiped away her tears and touched up her makeup and took a few deep breaths when another knock came at the door. Amy told them to come in. Adrian appeared with her very pregnant belly at the door. She was dressed in a dark purple low cut dress. She had her hair curled down and she had her makeup just right. She looked gorgeous and with her expecting only made her seem to glow even more. Amy felt happy to see her there.

"Hi Amy. I just wanted to say something to you before your big day if thats ok with you?" Adrian asked as she walked in and let he door close behind her.

"Yes that would be great Adrian." Amy said with a gentle voice.

"I just wanted to tell you something. Amy you and I haven't always been friends and sometimes we have been enemies. But I want us to be real friends. I want us to be happy and not try to hurt each other anymore. I am really happy with Ben and I love him so much. And I can see that you and Ricky our really happy together and I hope you to share a wonderful life. And I know that it hurts that your mom isn't here with you. But she is here. She lives on through you, Ashley, Robbie, John, your dad and all those that she loved and touched in her life. I just want you to be happy and enjoy this beautiful day that I hope you will remember forever. I am very happy for you Amy." Adrian said and then Amy gave her a hug.

"Thank you Adrian. That means the world for you to say. I am so happy with my life and marrying Ricky. I am very happy for you and Ben and your new son that your having. I hope you all have a great life and I want to be friends too. Thank you again so much." Amy said as tears formed in her eyes as Adrian's words had touched her heart.

"Your welcome. Ok enough crying your going ot cry off your face. I will see you there. We will be cheering you guys on. See you soon." Adrian said and then left the room quietly.

Amy looked again once in the mirror and felt good. Then she pulled the locket that had been her mother's. She pulled it open and saw a picture of her parents on one side and Amy and Ricky on the other that her dad had added and given for her to wear on her special day. Then she heard a soft knock on the door and then she heard the door open. Her day peeped his head in. "You ready? It's about that time." George said as he stood in the doorway.

"Yeah I am ready." Amy said and looked once more in the mirror and then she walked over with bouquet in one hand and with the other she held onto her father's arm. Then they drove to the park where fifty or so people were seated by a concrete walk that lead up to a bridge and at the end of the bridge was a beautiful white gazebo. The entire park had been decorated with white and red roses and white garland. And crystals hung as well. The crowd all watched as Amy on her father's arm walked down the aisle, over the bridge and finally over to the gazebo where Ashley, Shakur, Reverend Stone, John, and Ricky were all waiting.

George placed Amy's hand in Ricky's. Ricky took Amy tightly and George kissed her cheek and then Amy and Ricky faced the minister. "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Reverend Stone asked.

"Her mother and I do." George said with tears in his eyes.

"We have all gathered here to join the marriage of Ricky and Amy. Marriage is a joyous union of two people's lives and families. It is a moment when two hearts beat as one and two souls encircle one another for a lifetime. Amy and Ricky have been through alot to get to this point and I know that we all are happy to see them finally here to join as husband and wife. First of all Amy and Ashley are going to light a memorial candle and read a special way to honor their mother who isn't here in body but so much in spirit and in their minds and hearts. Amy, Ashley if you would." Reverend Stone said.

Amy went over to Ashley and held her hand tightly. Then they went by the side table that had been next to Ashley. There was a large white candle that said Anne...our mother. And there was a vase of white yellows for remembrace for their mom. And so Amy lit the match and together they lit the candle. Then Ashley pulled out a piece of paper and she and Amy turned toward the crowd.

"We thank you all for being here today for this joyous day. While yet happy some sadness remains as our mother and our grandmother aren't here to share it with us. So we honor our mother here today as well as our grandmother with a moment. Our mother was a wonderful person. One who could make you laugh, one who could make you cry, and one who could just be there in the quiet of the turmoil that was. She was our mother and we loved and still do. We miss her dearly. But in her death we are learning to laugh again and to be happy again. We know she is up there today smiling down. Because that is the kind of person my mother was. And so here is Amy." Ashley said and handed the piece of paper to Amy.

"Thank you again for being here. This is a poem that Ashley and I wrote together for our mother and our grandmother. We love them very much and today they don't seem so far away. Ok so here it is. She was a part of our life. And now she isn't anymore. We look for here all around but she is gone. The tears come and go in waves. Her memory still so close but yet she is so far away. We long for her in our hearts. Yet we know she is heaven. Where there is no pain or sadness. We are sad, but yet we remember her always. For every moment we shared we were lucky. For every I love you and I miss you we had. Nothing can take those memories away. We hold them close to our hearts and our souls. And so we say goodbye for now. Because we will meet again one day. We miss you mom. But we know you are happy. And you have no more pain. And we know you are happy because grandma is up there with you. So until we meet again, We love you mom for then, for now, for always." Amy said as she wiped her tears away. Then the crowd stood up and clapped.

Then after everyone sat down Amy and Ricky stood before Reverend Stone and said there vows. "Amy I will love you forever. I will cherish you and make you happy as long as I have breath in my body. I will do everything that I can to hold onto you and make you happy. We have been through so much but we are here now and we are together. And the journey won't always be easy I know that. But we have been through alot and we can make it work as long as we love each other and hold onto one another through the tough times and enjoy the happy ones. Today is one of those. I am so happy and in love with you. I never want to lose you and I know how close I came too just recently. And I don't want to live without you for another moment. I take you for my wife to love, cherish, honor, keep in good times and bad, and to love and be with until the time of my passing. I love you." Ricky said from his heart. Then he got the ring from John who was the ring bearer and he placed the simple white gold band on Amy's hand.

"Ricky I know that life has never been easy for you. But you are a wonderful person and I am happy to be here with you today and about to become your wife in front of our family and our friends. A friends recently told me some good advice. She told me to love you and to remember this special day forever and I want to for always. I will cherish that advice forever. I take you Ricky to be my husband in sickness and health in good and rough times. In the time we have shared together had been a moment that I wouldn't trade for anything in the whole world. I love you Ricky and I take you forever as the man that I love to stand beside me and love me until the moment when life chooses that we part ways. But I hope that isn't for many many years to come. I love you too." Amy said as she also gently took the ring from her son and placed the same white gold band on Ricky's finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife and you may kiss your wife." Reverend Stone said.

Ricky gently pulled the veil over Amy's head and then ever so gently placed his hands on the side of her face and kissed her gently and then more intense with deep passion for a long time it seemed. Then everyone stood up and clapped several times until Amy and Ricky turned toward the crowd and then they picked up John and tossed him in the air as they were truly a family and they were so happy to finally be married and ready to share a life with their son.

"I now pronouce Mr. and Mrs. Underwood for the very first time." Reverend Stone said with a smile.

Then they walked back down the aisle as Ricky held onto John and as guests threw red and white petals over them. Then after a while everyone went over and congragulated the happy couple. Then they all shared a nice meal. And they danced their first dance as husband and wife. And everyone danced and ate cake and enjoyed a beautiful wedding between two people that they loved and were very happy for because they had finally begun their lives together. And so everyone took the dance floor for hours and everyone laughed and cried as the couple shared their happy day with those that they loved.

"I love you babe. Come on my darling wife and bride lets start our life together." Ricky said to Amy right after she threw the bouquet and Ashley caught it.

"Let's. I love you too." Amy said as she kissed her husband and they both got into Ricky's car and drove off for their first night together as a married couple as husband and wife. And both were happy to just be with each other after all the time seperated while Amy laid in a coma. So they drove to their honeymoon. And everyone stayed and enjoyed the rest of the party all of them knowing that Amy and Ricky had already slipped out for the night to be together. 


	20. A New Baby, A New Chapter

The weeks had passed by. And Amy, Ben, Grace, Henry, Alice, and others had all graduated from high school. And Ricky, Jack, and Adrian had all survived and passed their first year as college freshmen. The summer had been a beautiful one. A lot of changes had happened. Jack and Grace had found that she was six weeks pregnant over the summer while they were scared they were both very happy even if it was early and both were going to be college. They both felt it was a gift. Amy and Ricky had moved into a small three bedroom rental house near her dad. It was a small house with one large bedroom and two small bedrooms. One for John and one for Ricky and Amy's work study for school. It had a small but nice up to date kitchen, two bathrooms, laundy room, living room and a nice size yard enclosed by a fence. All three of them were very happy there. Henry and Alice had gone overseas for vacation for the summer before college and had gotten engaged. Everyone had been very happy to hear they were together and doing well. And Ben and Adrian had painted, and decorated the baby's nursery. Everyone was settling into their news lives happily. And now August was here and everyone was getting ready for the end of the summer and for the fall.

Adrian sat on the couch as she had her hands on her extended belly. She had been having contractions for a while. But she thought maybe they were like the false ones she had been having. What were they called? Braxton Hicks or something like that. But Adrian was sure that this was the real thing and she knew that the baby coming today and soon her contractions were close together. Then she felt a big one and she felt her water break and she knew they had to get to the hospital soon.

"BEN! BEN YOU NEED TO GET UP NOW!" Adrian said through the horrendous pain that she was feeling. Ben hearing her snapped up and ran out of their bedroom and into the living room. He saw that she was having contractions and saw that her water had broke.

"We have to get you to the hospital now." Ben said in a quivering voice with fear. All the possibilies running through his head. So he tried to put them out of his head.

He helped get Adrian on her feet then he grabbed her bag, his car keys, and they got into the car and make the ten minute drive into the hospital. Then he drove up by the emergency entrace and ran in and got a wheelchair. Then he grabbed her hospital bag and he wheeled her into the emergency room by the desk.

"We need to be admitted my wife is having our baby any minute!" Ben said in an anxious voice.

"Name?" the nurse asked.

"Adrian Boykewich and Ben Boykewich." Ben answered quickly.

And then Adrian doubled over in pain and Ben knelt down by her and he put his hand on her back and massaged her back and her shoulders and said encouraging words as the nurse got a brand new look of concern all of a sudden at seeing Adrian going into so much pain. "I need to push NOW!" Adrian said in pain.

"We need a doctor and we need to get her into an emergency room now. I think the baby is crowning now." The nurse said as she wheeled Adrian in back as Ben followed with the suitcase. And finally they got Adrian settled in a gown and Ben was allowed in. And Adrian was already pushing. Ben could tell she was in a lot of pain. But she looked to determined to bring their son into the world safely. The baby's heartbeat filled the room and it was music to Ben and Adrian as they knew that he was safe and alive and hoped he would stay that way.

Then the doctor came in and she was all gowned up for delivery. It was none other than Dr. Andrews who had taken care of Adrian for the first half of her pregnancy while her doctor had family things going on in his life. "Fancy meeting you two again. How bout we talk later and we bring this little boy safe and sound? Ok I need you to push Adrian with everything you have. The baby's head is right here." Dr. Andrews instructed Adrian.

For several minutes Adrian pushed and the head emerged. Then his shoulders, then his entire body was free of Adrian. Dr. Andrew cleaned him up and cleared his lungs and he gave a big cry that was music to Ben and Adrian ears. And finally Dr. Andrews wrapped him in a warm blanket and placed him in his mother's waiting arms. Adrian held her tiny son in her arms. She watched as his chest went up and down as he took breath. And she kissed him repeatedly. And Ben stood near as he put his hand in his son's and his son held onto him as if he never would let go.

An hour later after everyone was cleaned up and a little more rested from delivery. Adrian was holding her son, and Ben was seated next to her on the bed and he had his arm around Adrian's back and they were both leaning next together as they watched as their son slept soundly. The little family so happy and relieved at the miracle that they had been given for their family. And then Ben leaned in and kissed his wife tenderly.

"You know we need to name this little fella." Ben said as he looke at his son in awe.

"What about Gabiel? What do you think?" Adrian said as her eyes lit up at the name.

"I like it. What does it mean?" Ben asked.

"It means God is my strength. I think that after everything that we have been through it has been a long road and god had been our strength as so has he." Adrian said as tears of joy came to her eyes. Ben reached over and gently brushed them away.

"I think that is wonderful name and it fits him. What about Liam for a middle name. I liked it alot when I was looking at the baby name book and it means strong willed warrior. And he has been that after all. I am so glad that he is here and he is healthy." Ben said with happiness and relief in his voice.

"Gabriel Liam Boykewich it is then. It sounds wonderful and we can call him Gabe for short. I like that a strong name." Adrian said with joy.

"Yes just like the name we gave our daughter Mercy Angel Boykewich. Two beautiful children and two beautiful names for them." Ben said with joy.

"Yes they are." Adrian said as she leaned her head next to Ben and they all fell asleep for a while after a long and exciting day all at the same time that brought them a new child that was alive and healthy and they thanked God for that and would everyday of their lives.

In the next two days several people came to visit and bring gifts for Adrian, Ben and little Gabe. And it was a joyous time for all. Finally Adrian and Gabe were being released. Ben had pulled up the car and the nurse wheeled Adrian holding the infant car seat out to the car. Then Ben took the infant car seat and made sure baby Gabe was secured in the back seat and then he helped Adrian sit in back by their son and then he loaded the rest of the gifts and her bag and he drove. He didn't drive to their home or to their parents. Instead they drove to the cemetary to introduce their son to his sister.

They stood together as Adrian held onto the baby. She wiped away her tears of sadness and joy all at the same time. She was grateful for her son but sad for her baby girl who didn't get chance at life. "This is Gabriel, Mercy. He is your little brother honey. But he doesn't take your place. We love you Mercy and always will. You will forever be first in our hearts because you were our first born. We love you sweetheart and we both hope that you are happy and in no pain whereever you are up there. I love you my sweet girl." Adrian said as she and Ben held onto one another for several minutes and they both cried and then they laid down white roses on her grave and turned to go home. They would love their daughter and miss her terrribly forever. But now their lives brought their son. And they wanted to started their lives anew together but would always keep Mercy in their hearts and would continue to celebrate her and her memory for always because their hearts still hurt from their loss and always would but now they had new joy in their lives together and so they drove home with their infant son to start a new chapter in their new second chance at life together.

The End. Thanks for reading.  
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